How did I not know that Kelly Rowland is a judge on the British version of The X Factor? This information totally slipped under my radar. I’m sorry, you guys. I’m a failure. (I did know about her one-woman Destiny’s Child medley, though! She performed it last week. She was not wearing pants.)

Anyway, the Daily Mail has finally published its best-researched, most hard-hitting pictorial to date: on television, from week to week, Kelly Rowland’s “mole” has been, uh, relocating itself. It also apparently changes shape and size. Yikes! She should get that checked out! Ha, ha.

I can definitely see how this “wandering beauty mark” might be distracting to viewers. Of course, I can also see using Rowland’s mole as the basis for a drinking game—but then, that’s why I don’t teach high school anymore.

I wonder who Kristen Wiig is dating these days, you have absolutely never asked yourself.

But the answer to this non-question sure is titillating! Why, the SNL ham was spotted with none other than Fabrizio Moretti at a Black Keys afterparty two nights ago. I’m sorry, did I say “spotted with” Moretti? I meant “on.” She was spotted on Fabrizio Moretti.

According to the New York Post‘s source, “They were literally on top of each other.” On top of each other! Literally! My word! Gracious! (Also, they were “canoodling.” But were they literally canoodling? The world may never know.)

Of course, Moretti is the adorable, sometimes-mop-headed drummer from the band the Strokes; he and longtime girlfriend Drew Barrymore split back in 2007.

Anyway. Nice work, Kristen! To many more public makeout sessions! If that’s your thing, I mean.

Oh, good grief.

I admit I haven’t seen the newest Muppets movie, so I can’t say for sure whether I think the Muppets themselves are a bunch of anti-capitalist pinko Commies. But apparently, the movie’s central villain—an oil baron—is someone called “Tex Richman.” Which is a great name for a villainous oil baron! That’s cute! C’mon!

And anyway, there’s a longstanding legacy of the villain being some devious business magnate. Maybe the villain is obsessed with taking over a building; maybe he’s trying to forge his name onto a document so he can secure the town’s water rights. That’s just good, clean melodrama! There is nothing more American than melodrama, after all.

But Dan Gainor of watchdog group Media Research Center has a different take:

This is what they’re teaching our kids. You wonder why we’ve got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country—they’ve been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff. Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon’s Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced movie, all of that is what they’re teaching, is that corporations is bad, the oil industry is bad, and ultimately what they’re telling kids is what they told you in the movie The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old mother Earth.

Now, I realize the issue of climate change is kind of a touchy subject at Thanksgiving dinner, but I’m startled anyway. Is Mr. Gainor, uh, pro-pollution? Why is he so upset by Big Green Help? “Oooh, I just hate recycling!”

Let’s get real, FOX Business: was it a slow news cycle? (Or do these talking heads actually have a point? String me up in the comments!)

You guys! This is happening on Twitter right now.

Alec Baldwin just tweeted:

Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving. #nowonderamericaairisbankrupt

Apart from the full-body shudder I felt at the words “reamed me out,” ha! I love that Alec Baldwin is mad about this. (That last hashtag, by the way, alludes to American Airlines’ bankruptcy.)

Anyway, the story doesn’t stop there. Baldwin tweeted a few more times—that 30 Rock plays inflight on American, that United should buy Words With Friends, that he switched to a different flight… Wait, what?

Wow. I can’t tell whether Baldwin was thrown off the flight, or maybe he just raised a stink over his ability to play Words With Friends in first class (I’m putting my money on the latter).

Edit: Oh, boy, am I wrong. Baldwin was actually kicked off the plane, according to the Los Angeles Times and the NY Daily News (the “conflict escalated,” they report). All because he was playing Words With Friends! Ha!

American Airlines was quick to respond to Baldwin’s hissy fit:

@AlecBaldwin Mr. Baldwin, we are looking into this. Please DM us contact information.

OK, sure: there has been a lot of talk of revising the whole policy about air safety and electronics—it’s possible that your Sony Walkman has no influence on the flight navigation instruments at all—but there are reasons those policies are in place, Mr. Baldwin. And communication with air traffic control is just as crucial “at the gate, not moving” as it is during takeoff. Duh.

Baldwin did tweet that he’ll never fly American again:

#theresalwaysunited Last flight w American. Where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950′s find jobs as flight attendants.

Alec Baldwin must be taxiing on the runway right now because his Twitter account has finally gone silent gotten really active again.

Here’s a photo of Blake Lively. Can you find her in the crowd? Oh, I’ll just tell you: she’s the one in the gigantic coat and the Incognito Hat. Man! I never realized you could cover that much of your face with your own hair. I’ve gotta learn that trick.

According to Us, Ryan Reynolds walked Blake to the van that took her to the Boston train station. And there she is now, hoping to God nobody recognizes her. How chivalrous, Ryan Reynolds!

Gee, I wonder why these two are being so surreptitious. It couldn’t possibly be because Scarlett Johansson is ridiculously sad about her divorce from Reynolds, could it? (Watch your back, Blake—that girl will cut you.)

Anyway. Sorry, ScarJo, but it really could be worse. Like, a lot worse. At least your ex is sorta trying to keep his new romance under wraps, y’know?

(Image via Us Magazine.)

1) This is what her singing voice actually sounds like.

2) As a preteen, she was kind of an ugly duckling.

3) Kesha Sebert scored a 1500 (out of 1600, you young kids) on her SATs, and a 140 on an IQ test—which technically makes her a genius.

4) She elected to get a GED and pursue a music career rather than attend college.

5) As of November 2010, she still lived in her mother’s basement.

6) Her first TV appearance was on The Simple Life. In that episode, Kesha, Paris Hilton, and Nicole Richie tried to find a date for Kesha’s mom, Pebe Sebert:

7) Pebe Sebert is a country songwriter. And a single mom. Also, she’s kind of a hippie.

8) About that dollar sign:

I was so happy being broke. And I’m happy not being broke. It doesn’t really affect me either way. I care about taking care of people that have taken care of me—that’s important to me. But to be honest, I’m kind of repulsed by the gluttony and excesses of a lot of people in the limelight.