Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Seth Rogen Honored as “Stoner of the Year”

Photo: Seth Rogen on February 9, 2012 Ahem. Congratulations are in order for Seth Rogen, High Times magazine's "Stoner of the Year." This momentous occasion marks Rogen's second win. He also won in 2007. (And "Stonette of the Year" that year? Anna Faris.) I had to google the "Stony Awards," and here is what I learned: winners "receive a bong-shaped trophy." I'm not entirely sure that they do, though: it looks to me as if the "trophy" itself is just a bong on a mount, and with a plaque glued to it. Lame! They should be d...

Howard Stern Refers to Christina Aguilera as “Plus-Size”

Not that Howard Stern remotely believes in what he's saying, because I don't think he does. He's just doing what they pay him to do, which is be contrarian and kind of funny and misogynist or whatever. But he's also transparently trying to get Adam Levine in trouble. I think I mentioned that I've been watching Levine on The Voice, and I've decided he's a great judge even though he's kind of a turd. Like, I totally root for him, but I also watch the show trying to assess exactly what kind of turd he is. Still. When Stern tries to get Levine to say one mean thing about Christina Aguilera, Levine won't budge:
"This is a sensitive subject with women," he says to Adam. "Why do you think she got so heavy? Is she upset? She used to be so f---kin' hot. What is that? And her clothes are too tight, right?"
Let me step in here right quick and answer Howard Stern: yeah, she used to be so f---kin' hot. She was also, like, 17 back then. No wonder women are so terrified of turning 30, dudebros.
Visibly thrown by the line of questioning, Adam says, "She likes to wear tight clothes. She clearly likes to talk about being comfortable with being a woman, snapping her fingers and doing the whole thing." But, Howard didn't stop there. He then replies, "When you're a plus-sized woman, you can’t wear tight clothes anymore." While Adam nervously giggles, co-host Robin Quivers jumps in and says that Christina isn't plus size. And then Adam finally says, "I wouldn't go that far actually." Um, nice save?
Like, when Stern starts in with the bullying---and he's bullying Levine, not Aguilera, in a weird sense---Levine looks a little like he just wants to be shot and killed on the spot. Honestly, I thought Levine's performance here was fine. He doesn't 100% have his collaborator's back, no, but he also doesn't play ball. I also think Levine's throwing Howard a bone when he concludes by saying "I'm keeping my f---king mouth shut." Levine's stick-thin supermodel girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna joins him in the second half. Stern tries to get her to cop to some fear of getting old and, eventually, dumped---see a trend here?---but Vyalitsyna smiles it off. "No, I'm really excited to see how much you can push us," she tells Stern, not entirely ironically. "That's really cool." /> Not that Howard Stern remotely believes in what he's saying, because I don't think he does. He's just doing what they pay him to do, which is be contrarian and kind of funny and misogynist or whatever. But he's also transparently trying to get Adam Levine in trouble. I think I mentioned that I've been watching Levine on The Voice, and I've decided he's a great judge even though he's kind of a turd. Like, I totally root for him, but I also watch the show trying to assess exactly what kind of turd he is...

Update: General Aladeen to Attend the Oscars

Photo: Admiral General Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) poses with his Oscars tickets Whoa! This is huge! Yesterday, Sacha Baron Cohen, as Admiral General Shabazz Aladeen, rallied support---on the "Today" show and online---for the Admiral's permission to attend the Academy Awards. Fictional Admiral Aladeen has been petitioning the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and "Zionists" to attend the Oscars in Baron Cohen's stead. And the Academy has decided to indulge him! Us Magazine: An Academy rep initially said it didn't feel "appropriate" for Cohen, 40, to arrive in cost...

Watch This: Kristin Chenoweth Goes Full Sedaris on ‘Letterman’

Some of you might remember that Kristin Chenoweth is my other spirit animal. (Yes, OK, maybe it's more of a spirit zoo. I have a whole spirit menagerie that I regularly visit for inspiration.) Anyway, here is Chenoweth on last night's Letterman. And I am not kidding: whoa. Chenoweth ordinarily strikes me as cute, chirpy, and sincere, but this time, she goes "full Sedaris." Fortunately, I love Amy Sedaris! I love all the Sedares. I wonder whether the Talent Family is in need of another sibling. I'm not sure whether Chenoweth's Oklahoman accent matches Amy's North Carolinian one (my ear honestly has trouble hearing the difference), but shouldn't these women be best friends, at least? They can go out together for ice cream in matching A-line dresses! In the video, Chenoweth purports to be on loads of Benadryl. I was skeptical at first, but no, the Jezebel comments section is filled with hilarious Benadryl anecdotes. /> Some of you might remember that Kristin Chenoweth is my other spirit animal. (Yes, OK, maybe it's more of a spirit zoo. I have a whole spirit menagerie that I regularly visit for inspiration.) Anyway, here is Chenoweth on last night's Letterman. And I am not kidding: whoa. Chenoweth ordinarily strikes me as cute, chirpy, and sincere, but this time, she goes "full Sedaris." Fortunately, I love Amy Sedaris! I love all the Sedares. I wonder whether the Talent Family is in need of another s...

Rumor Mill: Will Sacha Baron Cohen Be Banned from the Oscars?

Hey, look! A video from the fictitious Admiral General Shabazz Aladeen, supreme commander of the Republic of Wadiya! Genius actor/satirist/provocateur Sacha Baron Cohen has been out of the limelight for a little while now---he's been hard at work on his latest, The Dictator---but with the movie nearly finished, it's time to drum up some promotional controversy! The Academy caught wind that Sacha Baron Cohen---who is attending the Oscars along with the ensemble of Hugo---planned to arrive, in costume and in character, as General Aladeen. The Academy is not amused. The initial rumor was, Baron Cohen had been banned from the Oscars entirely. Not so! an Academy spokesperson emphasizes. Sacha Baron Cohen is still invited! Just, not in costume. "His tickets haven't been pulled," the spokesperson explains; "we're waiting to hear back." "We want him to come to the show," adds Academy president Tom Sherak, "but we would like him to come as Sacha." In a way, when Baron Cohen claims, in character, that he was "banned from the Oscars," he is being completely authentic: Admiral General Aladeen really was banned. This morning, Baron Cohen spoke to the "Today" show: Hey, look! A video from the fictitious Admiral General Shabazz Aladeen, supreme commander of the Republic of Wadiya! Genius actor/satirist/provocateur Sacha Baron Cohen has been out of the limelight for a little while now---he's been hard at work on his latest, The Dictator---but with the movie nearly finished, it's time to drum up some promotional controversy! The Academy caught wind that Sacha Baron Cohen---who is attending the Oscars along with the ensemble of Hugo---planned to arrive, in ...

Love It or Leave It: Ashton Kutcher and Alessandra Ambrosio’s Fashion Ads

Photo: Ashton Kutcher and Alessandra Ambrosio pose for Colcci In my teenagerhood, I paid a lot more attention to print campaigns. Is that weird? But yeah, I'd tear out and keep any fashion spreads I liked and then pin them to my door. I feel like Versace was always really good (especially those latter-90s Courtney Love ads). But Ashton Kutcher? Hmm. I don't think I'm feeling it, sorry. The Huffington Post: The jokey "Two And A Half Men" star, who actually began his career as a model, has formed a close relationship with Colcci, the Brazilian fashion ...

Quotables: Lindsay Lohan Is In the “Home Stretch”

A photo of Lindsay Lohan Ms. Lohan, you're in the home stretch. The probation officer is pleased with your progress. ---Judge Stephanie Sautner on Wednesday, to Lindsay Lohan. Whoa, right? Huffpo: Lohan, 25, now has to work 14 days at the morgue and attend five therapy sessions before the judge ends her probation on a 2007 drunken driving case that has dogged Lohan for years. She is due back in court on March 29 for what could be her final court appearance if she stays out of trouble. The morgue! I'd totally forgo...

Nicki Minaj’s First Love: Lawyering

Photo: Nicki Minaj goes green in this month's 'Vogue' "What are you, a lawyer?" …is my third-favorite line from Rushmore, and I love saying it to people. If I ever said it to Nicki Minaj, though, she would probably punch me because, two things: 1) Nicki Minaj is not a lawyer. 2) Nicki Minaj totally wanted to be a lawyer. In this month's Vogue, my favorite space alien is all greened-up like a Star Trek character, and she is freaking hot, OK. And then there is this quote: A huge part of me wanted to be a lawyer! I would do a really...

Stephen Colbert Is Writing a Children’s Book!

Does anyone remember when, a month ago, Stephen Colbert interviewed children's book author Maurice Sendak? And it was priceless? I didn't get around to linking to Part II of the interview, because I suck, but better late than never, right? Hey! Look! There it is! In Part II, Colbert pitches his idea for a kids' book to Sendak. The book's title? I Am a Pole. Really. Now the American dream has become a reality! The Hollywood Reporter:
Stephen Colbert has made good on his promise to famed children's author Maurice Sendak that he would "cash in" on the wave of children's books by celebrity authors. Grand Central Books announced today that it would publish Colbert's I Am a Pole (And So Can You!) on May 8. Colbert pitched the idea of a book about a flagpole's search for its identity during a two-part interview in late January with Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are. The interview became a viral sensation, and Colbert's fans pushed for an actual book. Colbert even got Sendak to endorse the project in the announcement. The book is "terribly ordinary," Sendak says, but “the sad thing is I like it." Colbert adds, "I hope the minutes you and your loved ones spend reading it are as fulfilling as the minutes I spent writing it.”
I am so excited! (I am also thrilled for The Colbert Report to come back on air. Godspeed, Steve!) /> Does anyone remember when, a month ago, Stephen Colbert interviewed children's book author Maurice Sendak? And it was priceless? I didn't get around to linking to Part II of the interview, because I suck, but better late than never, right? Hey! Look! There it is! In Part II, Colbert pitches his idea for a kids' book to Sendak. The book's title? I Am a Pole. Really. Now the American dream has become a reality! The Hollywood Reporter: Stephen Colbert has made good on his promise to famed children's author Maurice Sendak that he would "cash in" on the wave of children's books by cele...

Watch This: ‘Pee-Wee’s XXX Adventure’

You guys, I am pretty sure that the dastardly minds at Vivid Entertainment don't actually film the sex scenes until after they release their porn trailers. I am almost not joking. They film this stuff right in their offices (I like to think, anyway), then slap the trailers on YouTube to gauge audience interest. And if there is any fanfare whatsoever, they're like, screw it! Screw it, film it, ship it, we're done! Another hit in the bag! Also, this trailer is so, so wrong. It is bad and evil and disturbing and wrong, and it's mostly safe for workplace viewing, but it will also probably ruin your life forever. Watch at your own peril! /> You guys, I am pretty sure that the dastardly minds at Vivid Entertainment don't actually film the sex scenes until after they release their porn trailers. I am almost not joking. They film this stuff right in their offices (I like to think, anyway), then slap the trailers on YouTube to gauge audience interest. And if there is any fanfare whatsoever, they're like, screw it! Screw it, film it, ship it, we're done! Another hit in the bag! Also, this trailer is so, so wrong. It is bad and...

Watch This: Trailer for HBO’s ‘Girls’

You guys! It's the trailer for Girls, premiering on HBO on April 15! Which is too bad: if you identify with the main character in any small way, you probably can't afford HBO, either! Ha, ha! I personally identify with "stop the bike!" and immediately pitching forward off some dude's handlebars. There is no reason to ride up Chicago Avenue at 2:30 a.m. on a stranger's handlebars, no sirree. Depressingly, the Judd Apatow-produced comedy is about "being 24," which is an age I barely remember (at 24 I worked in an cubicle and sometimes slept under my desk, thank you). In fact, I don't think I really hit the "odyssey years" wall until I was at least 27. Hmm. I wonder how many 40-year olds will identify with the women in this show instead. Hmm. The show stars 24-year-old writer/actress Lena Dunham as "Hannah"; Dunham is making the big leap from various web series to actual TV. Oh, she's also made a movie, I guess. Aren't you thrilled? Doesn't the trailer look terrific? Or are you bored? Does the trailer instead look irritating in a distinctly self-aggrandizing, miserable Williamsburg way? Let me know in the comments! /> You guys! It's the trailer for Girls, premiering on HBO on April 15! Which is too bad: if you identify with the main character in any small way, you probably can't afford HBO, either! Ha, ha! I personally identify with "stop the bike!" and immediately pitching forward off some dude's handlebars. There is no reason to ride up Chicago Avenue at 2:30 a.m. on a stranger's handlebars, no sirree. Depressingly, the Judd Apatow-produced comedy is about "being 24," which is an age I barely remember (a...
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