Well, that’s it. Forget the Oscars—which are tonight!—just forget ‘em, because we can all go home. Adam Sandler is already slated to clean up at this year’s Razzies. And as we all know, the Razzie is the only trophy that matters.

Sandler swept with a record-shattering 11 nominations. Deadline has the full press announcement:

Sandler has more than doubled Eddie Murphy‘s old record for the most nominations accrued by an individual in a single year. As an actor, writer and/or producer on Jack & Jill, Bucky Larson and Just Go With It, the former SNL star has amassed a whopping 11 RAZZIE nods, dis-honoring last year’s Worst Achievements in Film.

Leading the pack for Worst Picture is Sandler’s cross-dressing comedy Jack & Jill, which received 12 nods in all (becoming only the 4th film in the Tacky Trophy’s history ever to get more dings than the awards have categories).

Besides having the inside track to “win” the top award, Jill is also contending for Sandler as Worst Actor (as male twin Jack). […]

Sandler is also nominated for Worst Actress for playing the role of Jill and, should he “win” and follow in the footsteps of previous “winners” Halle Berry (Catwoman) and Sandra Bullock (All About Steve), Sandler could potentially become the first “winner” who literally has the balls to accept a Worst Actress RAZZIE.

Yeesh.

Russell Brand also scooped up a nomination for his work in Arthur, which I thought was a perfectly likable movie, and James Franco was nominated for his “work” in Your Highness.

And Ken Jeong—whom I adore—was nominated for FOUR (!) movies, including Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son. Frown.

The full list of this year’s nominees—just in case you were wondering about them, I mean—after the jump. (How borked is Hollywood? Here’s how borked: a bunch of the “worst actress” nominees are men. Stop taking our (bad) roles, dudes!)

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Whoa! Sweet kicks, Breaking Bad‘s Bryan Cranston!

Cranston wore these radical Chuck Taylors to the Independent Spirit Awards, and everyone seems even more impressed by them than even Bryan Cranston does. Like, even Bill Macy seems jealous.

You, too, can dress just like Bryan Cranston! His Breaking Bad custom-printed hi-top Chucks, designed by Jon Defreest, are a steal at US$85 (although Cranston was given his for free). (In the meantime, I wear a size 4 or 4.5, thank you.)

You can also snag some badass Dexter or Walking Dead Converse sneakers, depending on your viewing habits and allegiances.

(Photo gallery via Buzzfeed.)

Thrift, thrift, film producers! The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the ideas for your next bio-pic! (Or so the Daily Mail alleges.)

Furthermore, Rihanna is already the frontrunner in the race to play the not-long-dead Whitney Houston. The Daily Mail:

Whitney’s record label boss and close friend Clive Davis is at the helm of the project and he reportedly wants to get a script finalized as soon as possible so filming can begin.

Rihanna, 24, is in the running for the lead role as is Dreamgirls star Jennifer Hudson, 30.

Actress Vivica Fox, 47, and American Idol singer Jordin Sparks, 22, are also being considered for the movie and Will Smith’s 11-year-old daughter Willow is thought to be portraying the actress as a child.

Although movie executives are hoping Riri will sign up for the film, the “Talk That Talk” singer already turned down the chance to remake Houston’s The Bodyguard last year.

Ahem. Well, I can kind of see the resemblance: Rihanna, a talented pop star (with nothing like Houston’s range or acuity) can’t seem to tear herself away from somebody who is rapidly shaping up to be the next generation’s Bobby Brown. Who is basically another generation’s Ike Turner. Oh, my God, how many times do we need to make this movie? Ugh.

I ask again: Too soon? Or, alternatively, not soon enough? Because it was supposedly Houston’s own dream to see this movie made:

A source told People: “Whitney knew about the project and was excited to see where it would lead.

“It’s hoped the biopic will be as successful as Tina Turner movie What’s Love Got To Do With It, which landed two Oscar nominations for Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne who played Tina and Ike Turner.”

Uh, sure. All I’m saying is, this seems to me a pretty nasty business.

Who gets thanked by Academy Award-winners on Oscars Night? Spouses? Parents? Agents? God? It’s God, isn’t it. Slate examined ten years of Oscar acceptance speeches for answers.

Slate also built an amusing, interactive infographic, and you can click around on it to see who thanked whom. Here is the amazing stuff I learned:

- Only one Oscar winner has begun her acceptance speech by naming her agent first, and that was Tilda Swinton.

- Denzel Washington thanked God first. (Slate comments: “Though it won’t surprise anyone who thinks of Hollywood as a contemporary Babylon, God has only been thanked three times [in the last 10 years].”)

- Adrien Brody began by thanking his mom and dad.

- Javier Bardem began by thanking No Country for Old Men‘s directors, but then he thanked a whole host of family members.

- A lot of people start by naming their directors.

- Best Actor winners Daniel Day-Lewis, Sean Penn, Jeff Bridges, and Colin Firth may all seem like a renegades, artistes, and “bad boys,” but each dutifully started out by thanking the Academy. (So did Jim Broadbent, Chris Cooper, and Tim Robbins. But not Christian Bale!)

- Best Lady winners who began by thanking the Academy: Halle Berry, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon, Helen Mirren, Sandra Bullock, Natalie Portman, and almost every Best Supporting Lady-winner ever. Yawn. (And who didn’t? Kate Winslet basically expressed gratitude to everyone but the Academy, while Charlize Theron and Swinton’s lists were a little more honed.)

- Jennifer Hudson went in reverse order, beginning with grandmother, then mom, boyfriend, siblings, then the audience, the director, then the cast, then the Academy, and finally, God. Well played, Hudson.

A little more:

Hollywood (and by extension the Academy) is notoriously hard on actresses, so is it any surprise that they receive fewer standing ovations than the men—yet work harder at ingratiating themselves to the powers that be? Actresses start by thanking “the Academy” more often than their male counterparts, and once they get going they aren’t as quick to stop, generally citing a longer list of people. More interesting still is that they have long memories, often ceding credit to those who helped them rise to fame.

And also:

Though it seems a cliché to thank fellow nominees, it actually happens less often than you think. That’s why Sandra Bullock’s extremely generous speech for The Blind Side at the 2009 Oscars—wherein she addressed each and every one of her fellow nominees by name—was so unusual; no wonder she’s beloved in the industry.

Above, Slate’s other infographic, demonstrating how long winners were able to go on. Halle Berry comes in the marathon-winner at four minutes 38 seconds; meanwhile, a gushy Adrien Brody gabbed an equally-lengthy 4:30.

Marion Cotillard may be remembered as especially terse for her 47-second speech, but she was matched/out-curted by the likes of Javier Bardem, Rachel Weisz, Morgan Freeman, and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

(Slate via Flavorwire.)

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF PEARL. What in tarnation does Jessica Simpson have in there?

I know, I know. Maybe it’s just the dress. (Oh, my word, that dress.)

No, I shouldn’t pick on Jess. The fact is, she is a very, very good-lookin’ pregnant person. Objectively, I am nowhere as cute even on my best days. Jess looks fine. Great, even. But she’s so… so big! And orange! She’s at that stage in her pregnancy where there is no longer a “baby on board”: Jessica Simpson is essentially a baby with adult legs attached to it.

I do like the way her enormous, fashionable hobo bag matches those—those heels! Woman, what are you thinking! Peep-toe slingback platform heels are barely OK for non-pregnant midday shopping!

Jessica, you’re out of control! Maybe you should listen to this song a few times.

(Image gallery swiped from Radar Online.)

When you publicize your marriage as much as our marriage was publicized, when you renew wedding vows, when you do all those things … you’re giving people a picture of an ideal relationship that people aspire to.

…When it goes south, you can’t all of a sudden take the philosophy of a monk and decide to go for a vow of silence. It doesn’t really work like that. I respect my wife’s decision not to talk about that, but I felt that people at least deserved some kind of explanation why the picture of the ideal wasn’t what they thought it was.

—Seal pauses his ongoing Explanation Tour to explain why he keeps explaining things.

You hear that? We all deserved to know.

OK: last week Emily reported that Seal and estranged wife Heidi Klum are dunzo for good. That report corroborated earlier rumors that Klum—who at one point had extended hope for reconciliation—has become way too miffed at Seal’s big mouth.