Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kim Kardashian And Charlize Theron Are Twinsies!

A photo of Kim Kardashian and Charlize Theron

That’s Kim Kardashian headed out to do a recent appearance on The Today Show on the left. And on the right, that’s Charlize Theron at last year’s BAFTA Awards. These two have absolutely nothing in common besides the fact that they are both humans with the same kind of chromosomes. Well, they both have two arms and two legs and two eyes and all that, but let’s not break it down this far when you know exactly what I mean. Kim Kardashian and Charlize Theron are very, very different people.

And now they’re two very, very different people wearing the same dress. Isn’t it funny how life works?

But even though Charlize wore the dress first – almost a whole year before Kim, in fact – does that mean she wore it better? I don’t know. Well, no, that’s not exactly true. I probably do know. I’m going to have to give this one to Charlize. It’s the cut of the dress, mostly. See, Kim is absolutely addicted to wearing peplum dresses and tops, but it’s really just not the most flattering thing for her. And I’m not hating, I’ve seen a lot of peplum styles that are super, super cute, but I’m just not comfortable with a useless layer of fabric that’s only purpose is to highlight the size of my ass. I just can’t get behind it.

Charlize, however, is obviously a lot less curvy, and I think she pulls this off well. But what about the color? The lighting of a street is a lot different than the lighting of a red carpet, so I’m not really sure. I would imagine Kim would be the one to rock the color yellow over Charlize, but what do I know? Not a lot. About coloring, that is. I don’t know a lot about coloring. What do you think?

But all this analyzing is besides the point, really. Because nothing else matters when you’re TWINSIES! Yay, twinsies!

Love It or Leave It: Another Emma Watson Ad

A photo of Emma Watson

Hey, do you remember the last time I showed you one of Emma Watson‘s Lancome ads? I really liked it, but a couple of you guys didn’t (and, by the way, there was a comment that I didn’t see from someone who was kind of bitchy because she thought that I thought that I could buy this makeup and look just like Emma Watson, because I’m dumb enough to think that makeup is magic that can make me look just like a thin, beautiful celebrity. LOL! Also, she knew I was a theatre major in college – you guys know me! – and she was bitchily confused about how I don’t know a lot about street makeup. LOL again! I can do shadows and contours and aging makeup and fantasy makeup, I can make a mold of my own face to make a mask and do stage makeup on that, but that doesn’t mean I know if Lancome lipstick is good or not. Is this too catty a tangent? Whatevs). But now there’s a new one! So let’s talk about that.

This ad is for Lancome’s Blanc Expert, which is a dark spot corrector. Emma here looks pretty good, but I don’t really think she had any dark spots in the first place, so that’s something to take into consideration. The packaging of the product is also pretty sleek, which is something I like to take into consideration.

I’m going to be real though: it took me a minute to notice what the ad was for and then to actually look at her skin, because all I could see was her hair. That hair. I’m not going to judge, because I remember that awful place of growing out super short hair, but this is just … I just can’t with this hair. Couldn’t they have done some strategic pinning so that she didn’t have a mullet? Is there some sort of chic mullet trend that I’ve never heard about? What’s going on here? And what’s more, does she actually kind of pull it off?

While we’re here, I have one more question for you: can you tell me of a lipstick, any lipstick at all, that will actually stay on my face without constant reapplications? I feel like stepping up my game, but everything I’ve tried so far has let me down. Any suggestions?

Who’s The Hottest Man in Music?

A photo of David Bowie

Unfortunately, no, it’s not David Bowie, because it’s not 1973 and the world is not fair. But you know, I’m not going to put who it really is right at the very beginning. That wouldn’t be any fun at all.

Before we get started guessing, let me tell you how this guy was selected. Heat magazine did this big poll to find the world’s sexiest man, right? The winner was Tom Daley – a British diver, go figure – and behind him were people like Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling and David Beckham. But we’re talking about the musician that got the highest ranking: the hottest man in music today. Who could it be?

I can think of tons of hot dudes in music, ok, let’s just be real. You can, too. It’s not hard. But I want you to think about who the absolute hottest is. Who is the guy who is the most attractive to the most people? Any guesses?

Harry Styles. It’s Harry Styles. No, really, it’s Taylor Swift‘s 18-year-old ex-boyfriend from that boy band, One Direction. It’s this guy:

A photo of Harry Styles

I’ll admit, he’s pretty cute, but so are bunnies. I wouldn’t call bunnies “hot,” and it would kind of creep me out if you did. But that face right there … that’s the hottest the music world has to offer these days. Just let that sink in for a minute. The absolute hottest.

I am so, so disappointed with the world.

Octomom Wants to Do More Porn!

A photo of Nadya Suleman

Ok, I’ll be honest with you: that’s not exactly what she said. Octomom didn’t just come right out and say that she’s interested in masturbating on camera again. But she did allude to it, and I still think it’s very possible.

First things first – did you know that Octomom’s porn just won an award? It was announced Best Celebrity Sex Tape at the AVN Awards, which is actually kind of a big deal. Huffington Post asked her about it, and here’s what she had to say:

“Seriously, it has not sunk in yet. This is fantastic — what an honor. Hopefully, this award will open doors to more opportunities. I’m proud I did this movie. It helped me grow into a woman. ‘Octomom Home Alone’ is a true reflection of my intimate side. I am excited to have the award. I am trying to figure out where I will put it.”

And when they asked if she had any other pornos up her sleeve, she said “as of right now, no. But you never know.” Which, of course, means yes. Right? If you genuinely didn’t have any other plans, you’d just be like “nah, I’m done,” but that coy little “you never know” always makes me think that I do know, and this time, the answer is yes.

Do you think the world can even handle this?

Kim Kardashian Thinks Being A Mom Is “Boring And Miserable”

A photo of Kim Kardashian

Did you guys watch the premiere of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami? You probably didn’t. But if you did, you’d know that Kim said some really mean things about Kourtney, and about mothers in general. Keep in mind that this was filmed just a few months before Kim got pregnant herself.

From The Daily Mail:

She announced at the end of last month that she is expecting, her first child, but before falling pregnant it seems that the idea of having a baby terrified Kim Kardashian.

On Monday night’s episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, the middle Kardashian sister lashed out at Kourtney for being what she called a ‘slob-kabob’.

Kim confessed to her best friend Jonathan Cheban: ‘She literally is like Octomom. It’s so overwhelming, it’s even made me second guess wanting to have kids.’

She added: ‘I would die if I had kids right now.’

Jonathan assured the reality star that she would ‘be a great mother’, but did imply the 32-year-old ought to start worrying about ageing.

‘You act like you literally have 500 kids,’ Kim told her sister when she saw her in sweatpants during the afternoon one day.

‘Talk to me once you have a child,’ Kourtney, 33, hit back.

But when she later attempted to wear a printed dress, Kim referenced Three’s Company with the words: ‘That was like, Mrs. Roper status.’

As usual, Kim took things too far, when she described Kourtney – and all mothers for that matter – as having ‘boring and miserable lives’.

She told the mother-of-two over dinner: ‘Mom life is so torturous. I have a whole new perspective on how boring and miserable your lives are.

‘If you knew how boring you’d become, would you still have had kids?’

A furious Kourtney stormed out of the restaurant after the cruel comments and called Kim ‘a bitch’, telling her she can find her ‘own ride home’.

Eventually, Kim took Kourtney to dinner to apologize, and told her that she’d been so mean because she was worried about her own fertility, which she knew she had problems with. But still, is that the bitchiest conversation you’ve ever heard or what?

I don’t have kids, and I’m not planning on having any for a good few years, but I’ve taken care of some babies long enough to realize that there’s no reason to talk shit like this. Like, you are completely responsible for a human being who can’t even hold his own head up. It’s cool if you don’t want to get dressed up.

But I think we can all agree that comparing Kourtney to Octomom was way too low a blow. That is completely hurtful and uncalled for. I wouldn’t compare my worst enemy to Octomom.

Taylor Swift Went to London to Win Back Harry Styles

A photo of Taylor Swift

Oh, and just to clarify, after that picture: I don’t think she swam. HA!

From Radar:

Taylor Swift‘s headed in one direction: across the pond to England for a showdown with her ex, boy bander Harry Styles, three weeks after their split.

The We Are Never Getting Back Together singer, 23, arrived via private jet at London’s Luton airport, clad in a heavy green coat and sipping on a Diet Coke. She checked into a hotel near the teen idol‘s home, a source told the UK Sun.

“There’s talk of a meeting with Harry being on the cards,” the source told the English publication, adding that Taylor “has no obvious reason or promo duties in London this week.”

The timing couldn’t be better, the source said, adding, “Harry has just got back from a small tour in Japan with the band, and now has four days off.”

Oh my gosh, you guys, how romantic! Could you even imagine? Taylor Swift knows a true love when she finds one – after all, she’s had several – and it’s just so inspiring that she would travel so far just to earn back his love. And yeah, some people are calling this stalking. But remember, it’s not stalking if it’s your soulmate!

LeAnn Rimes Was on Jimmy Kimmel, Talked About Brandi Glanvile

A photo of LeAnn Rimes

On Monday, Brandi Glanville called LeAnn Rimes “insane,” right on television. So on Tuesday, LeAnn Rimes basically did an entire interview about Brandi Glanville on television. Appropriate defense, right?

In the interview with Jimmy Kimmel, LeAnn did talk a bit about her music, and she discussed her allergies, which prevented her from singing on the show, but mostly she talked about Brandi. She talked about how she usually stays out of the drama entirely (LOL!), but every few months or so, “you’re just like, ‘screw you.’” So basically, she’s delusional as ever.

But my favorite part was probably when Jimmy asked her if she watched Brandi’s Real Housewives show, and she said no, but later on, she made a joke about losing her voice due to screaming at the television, and then she did this weird little pause and added “which I don’t watch!” It’s funny because it’s like she thinks she’s fooling someone.

I could tell you more about the interview, but you should really just watch it for yourself: