Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jessica Simpson Is Planning An Intervention for Ashlee

A photo of Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson

That felt really strange to write. It’s like, when did this world become a place where Jessica Simpson could tell anyone “hey, you have a drinking problem”?  I guess it happened when Ashlee Simpson started looking a little bit like a heartless bitch and also started guzzling “eight to ten bottles of wine a week.” Yeah, probably somewhere around then.

From Star via Celebitchy:

Jessica Simpson has staged an intervention for her troubled 26-year-old sister, Ashlee. Ashlee is in the middle of a painful split from Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 32, with whom she has a 2-year-old son, Bronx. And reportedly, she’s not handling it well.

“Ashlee is downing eight to 10 bottled of wine a week,” a source reveals to Star. “Jessica is on a mission to save Ashlee from self-destructing, and she told her to funnel her angst into songwriting.”

Knee-deep in wedding prep, Jessica has even enlisted her fiancé, Eric Johnson, who has been helping Ashlee craft songs.

“Jessica has also been writing with Ashlee, but refuses to take any professional songwriting credit,” adds another insider. “The biggest reward for Jess will be seeing her baby sister bounce back.”

I’ll accept that Ashlee Simpson drinks ten bottles of wine every week. I could see that. But the bit about Eric Johnson, Jessica Simpson’s fiance who used to play football and go to business school, helping Ashlee write songs?  That’s just too bizarre in an oddly adorable way, isn’t it?

I believe Star this time around, but what about you guys?  Do you think Ashlee might be downing nearly a dozen bottles of wine every week, or do you think this is just more tabloid nonsense?

Quotables: Justin Timberlake Is An Advocate for Dry Humping

A photo of Justin Timberlake

“Well, I think we created the only dry humping scene ever seen in a movie. I’ve got to say there’s nothing wrong with a good jean jam. I’m serious. I don’t know why that’s funny to you guys. But also we felt collectively, the both of us, that we had a responsibility. And that was to the young people who are going to buy tickets to, I don’t know, Transformers and go see this movie because they’re underage. It really is a public service announcement for safe sex.”

- Justin Timberlake, who goes on to pronounce “nobody ever got pregnant with their jeans on.”

For those of you not in the know, Justin and Cameron Diaz are in this movie called Bad Teacher, which apparently has a pretty poignant dry humping scene.  That’s why both of them have made some pretty serious quotes about the dry hump and its relevance in society.  I think this is the best one so far though, because it does act as a PSA to dumb teenagers and also because it introduced the phrase “jean jam” into my life.  And that’s another reason why Justin Timberlake is slowly but surely winning my heart.

What Do You Think of Emma Stone as Elizabeth Bennet?

A photo of Emma Stone

And I don’t mean Emma Stone as Elizabeth Bennet in just any tired old Pride and Prejudice remake, I mean Emma Stone as Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  And I mean it hard.  She’s been offered the role already, she just has to be sweet enough to make my entire life and accept it.

Emma Stone is obviously beautiful, but she’s also a pretty great actress.  You guys saw Easy A, right?  Emma’s more than capable of carrying a movie, and a period comedy?  I have no doubt that she would blow us all away.

I haven’t read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies or anything (should I?  Can we get some book reviews happening in here?), but I’m nearly positive that I would weep for joy if Emma was officially cast.  Because I’m an emotional lady like that.  That, and I’m dying to see if a new Bingley can make me feel as tingly as the last one did.

Happy Saturday, Everybody!

A photo of The Rock

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like this is going to be a great day.  It looks like it might be somewhat sunny later, I get to play with my puppies, I have super glittery fingernails that keep catching my attention from my keyboard. There’s just some kind of magic in the air, so naturally, I want to share that with you.  And the only way I know how to do that is by posting a picture of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson having a ball down at the Splash Mountain.  Is that adequate?

Image courtesy of TMZ


VIDEO: You’re Not Allowed to Touch Miley Cyrus

Does anyone understand the impulse to get all inappropriately touchy with your favorite celebrities? And I’m not talking about stalking or getting inappropriately touchy with a knife, I hope none of you understand that at all, I’m talking about working yourself up over a celebrity to the point where you cannot help but sneak around security to give a very unwanted hug.  Like this poor girl at the Miley Cyrus concert who has too much obsession in her to stay behind the barrier. What’s that all about?

I also love how Miley’s so tough, but she can’t handle the terror of a tiny teenybopper.  I get it, my initial reaction would probably be to flip my shit as well, but once I saw that it was a harmless little girl that was being wrestled to the ground anyway, I think I’d be a little more cool, don’t you?  Then again, I bet that’s just how Whitney Houston felt in The Bodyguard, you know?  It’s a fine, fine line.

Quotables: Wilmer Valderrama Thinks Lindsay Deserves “A Second Chance”

A photo of Wilmer Valderrama and Lindsay Lohan

“Sometimes people have to go through things. We all understand that, and we all deserve a second chance. I’m not worried about her at all. I think she’s going to get through this because she is ridiculously talented. When you love once, you always will, and you have to care.”

I agree, Wilmer, I totally think Lindsay deserves a second chance. However, I think that second chance was probably sometime in 2006, right?  This girl is miles past a second chance; if I had to guess, I’d say that this past time was approximately her 253rd chance. And I get it, Wilmer, you’re too busy creeping to think about numbers and logic, but just consider that the next time you go to get yourself in the press by talking about your most famous ex, all right?

Do You Have Enough Love in Your Heart for A Brand New Jersey Shore Cast?

A photo of the cast of Jersey Shore

If not, then you better make some room, because it’s coming your way pretty soon.  I know, you’ve already spent a couple of years learning to love and adore Snooki, The Situation, and all the others for all that they are, and I know it hurts, but life is about change.  That’s why, after the fifth season, Jersey Shore is starting from scratch.

The good news is that we’ve still got two whole seasons with our favorite guidos and guidettes. They just finished filming the fourth season, the one in Italy, and they start filming the fifth season back in Jersey on Monday.  After all that magic, MTV will set out to find the next generation of trashy 20-somethings to enchant the nation.  Are we excited?

Do you know what this means for some of you guys?  It means that you get an adequate heads up to get you a spray tan, tease your hair up, and work on your finest Jersey dialect so you can fool MTV into giving you the sweetest free ride of your life.  Let me know how it goes!