Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Matthew Bellamy Confirms Your Worst Fears

photo of new couple matthew bellamy of muse, and actress kate hudson

Yes, friends, he’s publicly acknowledged the fact that he is dating America’s very own Kate Hudson.

[Watches Muse fans die a thousand deaths.]

Bellamy speaks to Britain’s The Sun (which is a real, live newspaper, as pointed out by one of our readers) and claims that he’s not only seeing the serial dater, but it’s getting serious, too. He’s set up to meet the actress’s legendary mother, Goldie Hawn, sometime this week:

“I’m meeting her (Hawn) next week… I’m already nervous. I don’t want to make the whole experience even more embarrassing.”

Embarrassing. Right. You don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of Goldie-fucking-Hawn, Matty. She’s one step away from entering that senior citizen phase of dancing naked on tables wearing poorly pasted tittie tassels. … Oh, your mom didn’t go through that phase? Must be an American thing, I guess.

Bellamy also moons over Kate, which she’s probably loving. She hasn’t has this much romantic press since, uh, ever:

“She’s (Hudson) great. Everything is going very well. We are really happy and enjoying spending time with each other. She had a great time at Glastonbury.”

He also is obviously way more clingy and desperate than we pegged him to be completely smitten with the blonde actress, because he’s talking about marriage already:

“Ask me again about marriage in a couple of months.”

Oh, man.

Check Out Ms. LOL-han’s Latest Lady Lovah

42128, WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - Thursday July 1 2010. An upbeat Lindsay Lohan in good spirits as she and new gal pal Eliat Anschel (dark hair) leave the Arclight cinema after 1am. The ladies, who were also joined by another unidentified woman, has been to see the Twilight Saga: Eclipse . Photograph:  David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com*FEE MUST BE AGREED PRIOR TO USAGE E-TABLET/IPAD & MOBILE PHONE APP PUBLISHING REQUIRES ADDITIONAL FEES**

Her name is Eilat Anschel, and she’s a former member of the Israeli Defense Force. Oh, and she’s kinda hot. Did you happen to notice? Of course you did.

According to sources, Lohan and Anschel have gotten quite cozy over the past few weeks, after they met in LA a few months back when Anschel finished up some of her IDF duties. Friends of the new couple state that Anschel has been really great at wiping away Lindsay’s most recent barrage of self-induced tears, and Lindsay is, in turn — naturally — becoming quite obsessed with and possessive of the Israeli beauty.

But no, there’s been no word if the coked-out screaming matches have begun. That’s usually reserved for the six-week mark of the relationship. You’ve got time to get the fuck out, Eilat, and get the fuck out you should — before it’s too late, baby.

Oh, and am I the only one who thinks that Anschel kind of resembles Samantha Ronson, just in a more effeminate way?  Two thumbs up, Linds. Though all of your relationships seem doomed to fail, I’m giving you the go-ahead on this one — you’ve got my full blessing, so make me proud, girl.

In Other News …

Katy Perry goes topless for Esquire. [Celebslam]

Maggie Griffin is much, much funnier than her daughter, Kathy. And much less obnoxious. [popbytes]

The Five Best and Worst Films of 2010 (so far). [Pajiba]

Supermodel supermom Gisele says her 7 month-old baby is already potty trained. And this does not surprise me one bit. Next month, he’ll be working for the CIA in covert operations. [Celebitchy]

This chick thinks that Obama’s a great, big pussy. [Zelda Lily]

Paris Hilton was detained for pot, but she was freed. Heh. [Allie is Wired]

Whitney Port fat? And yeah, she rocks it so well. [Amy Grindhouse]

Joey Tribbiani just can’t get past Friends, and it’s showing. [Betty Confidential]

Dolly Parton remembers what it was like to be horny. You know, a century ago, when she was only forty. [OMGBlog]

Someone was dense enough to date Joe Francis, let alone fucking agree to be his wife?! [Celebrity Smack Blog]

A Gross, Raven-Colored, Nappy-Haired Visual I Did Not Need This Morning

picture of russell brand being weird

So, you all know the World Cup is (still) going on. It’s all I hear about on the news, from my friends, and from the goddamned vuvuzelas, which, incidentally, make me want to hang myself. K?

Well, it looks like Katy Perry’s kind of sick of hearing about the Cup, too, and now she claims that fiance Russell Brand is shunning her in favor of various matches — and by “various,” I mean “all.”

However, it doesn’t look like she’s taking it to heart. She claims that she’s got the eternal one-up on the World Cup, and it all has to do with BLOWJOBS. ORAL SEX. FELLATIO. All of that. Perry blasts the Cup, saying:

“Oh, I’m a World Cup widow. It’s been tough. What did Russell say to me the other day? He did this little play on words and ended up saying that he loved the World Cup more than me. But I know that’s not the case. The World Cup does not give blow jobs. That’s one thing I win.”

She’s probably not all too bothered about it, though, anyway. Having Russell Brand’s beady-eyed attention drawn away from you? Worth a thousand words — ones that I have no gumption to sit here and type out for you (I’m already at 210, no pun intended). But it’s a win.  Having an excuse not to blow Russell Brand ’cause he’s too tied up in futbol? Epic win, indeed.

Dean McDermott Has “Another Accident”

picture of tori spelling and husband, dean mcdermott, who is injured again

But come on, nothing — and I mean nothing — is accidental when you’re married to Tori Spelling, am I right?

Spelling’s husband, Dean McDermott, was hospitalized late yesterday afternoon after suffering a collapsed lung as a result of a dirt biking accident. Poor Dean’s lung is also punctured. Though McDermott is currently in intensive care, his rep reports that he’s recovering nicely and will be released to go home in a few days.

Man. Some guys will go to the most extreme lengths in order to get away from their cryptkeepers wives for even the briefest periods of time.

Well, get well soon, Dean, and get back to doing your manly thing with Donna Martin!

Caption This

photo of kim kardashian unveil of wax figure at madam tussaud's

Just when thought that there wasn’t enough paraffin in the world to replicate this delectably distinguished derriere, you were wrong. It’s just a whole ‘nother ball of wax, guys.

Who’d Want to Leave Frasier?

photo of kelsey grammer and wife camille donatacci at the tony awards

Frasier was one of the best sitcoms of all time — and if you don’t agree with me? Well, then. I’m just going to have to disagree with you. How ’bout them apples?

The beloved show isn’t the only thing actor Kelsey Grammer’s lost over the past decade; his wife of almost thirteen years (uh, not Lilith) Camille Donatacci, has filed for divorce. What the hell could Grammer have done to warrant such fuckery? Kept shop with too many bottles of Beaujolais? Spent a small fortune on high-priced Havanas? Listened to Mozart at an ungodly hour?

Well. Sorry to hear it, guys. Hope you can both move on from this alright, and both in your own ways.