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4Hermione Granger Would be Having a Stroke Right About Now

photo of hot emma watson getting out of the car close upskirt pictures

I don’t know about you guys, but as an AVID Harry Potter freak, I have a pretty hard time separating the books’ characters from its actors and actresses, so whenever I see Emma Watson flitting around in public, scantily clad, and I automatically think, ‘Girlfriend, Ron is going to be SO ENVIOUS of EVERY DUDE THAT CHECKS YOU OUT.’ Then I have to shake myself because it’s just. not. real.

Sometimes it even kind of transcends into actual life for me sometimes. I was watching some really cheesy Brendan Fraser action movie last night and it was super-intense.  SUPER-INTENSE.  There were a lot of cliffhanger moments and at one point, a life-saving rope was, like, JUST out of reach. My polluted-ass brain? Fires its cockeyed synapses and I say – out loud, mind you – ‘Accio! ACCIO, Fraser!’

And so this is why I’m a gossip writer and not, you know, someone that has to hold sharp objects in a delicate and precise manner for an extended period of time, like a surgeon or gas station attendant or something.

But anyway, forget about me, Emma Watson has decided to take a break from her studies at Brown University in an effort to concentrate on her career. She states that it’s become too much of an effort to balance studying and tests and what not with the uber-demanding schedule that’s been set forth by the upcoming premiere for the final installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It’s apparent that girlfriend’s got contractual obligations for this crap, and I know that she can’t just get an excuse to miss work because she’s got a test or whatever, but withdrawing. Wow. It’s nuts. People are freaking out. I even read on a related message board that there were some people out there that were really concerned about Emma losing her financial aid because of dropping her full-time student status, but I chuffed because GUYS. Emma Watson, filling out the fucking FAFSA? PUH-LEASE.

March 8, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Emma Watson

2Somebody Really Needs to Take the Sharp Objects Off of Charlie Sheen

pictures of crazy charlie sheen with machete photos

This just isn’t healthy, you guys. Charlie Sheen, wielding a machete like he’s, I don’t know, back in fucking Platoon or something, but this time it’s not a movie, it’s real life, and Charlie’s slowly but surely losing his cracked and meth-clouded marbles one by one.

Here, Charlie’s pictured on the roof of Live Nation, waving a machete around with one of his ‘goddesses,’ pretending to drink a really foul-looking blood-like substance out of a bottle labeled ‘Tiger Blood’ while smoking cigarette after cigarette. Dude’s fingers are probably the color of burnt ochre by now – could you imagine what his lungs look like? Ugh.

His parting words?

‘Free at last, free at last.’

Boyfriend also sent a text message to People this morning (I KNOW, RIGHT?!) claiming that the beast was alive, and dangerous:

“Put yourself in my shoes for one warlock nanosecond. At some point there is nothing to say. Only war to wage … The winds are howling tonight. The gods are hungry. The beast is alive. And awake. And deadly.”

I don’t know about you all, but this is becoming quite the depressing-assed shitshow if you ask me, so here. To lighten the mood, I have an adorable, innocent child, speaking the recent quotes of Charlie Sheen. Enjoy!

This cheered me up marginally, but I still think I’m going to start pre-composing an obit for Charlie here, and just saving it in my little drafts folder for when that time comes, because it’s this year, guys. Mark my words, and the closing bit at the end? It’ll be ‘free at last, free at last.’

March 8, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Charlie Sheen

3WORLD PREMIERE: Selena Gomez’s ‘Who Says’

In case you missed it on Ryan Seacrest’s show this morning, here’s the livestream of Selena Gomez and the Scene’s ‘Who Says.’

ARE YOU FREAKING OUT OR WHAT!?

March 8, 2011 at 8:43 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Selena Gomez

0Morning Wood [The AM Links]

photo of lily allen pictures

What do Kanye West and Liv Tyler have in common? [The Superficial]

What star said ‘I talk like I know what I’m saying, but I don’t'? [Cele|Bitchy]

The most horrifying thing I’ve seen all year: Gary Busey pole dancing. [TMZ]

Badass Daniel Craig crossdresses for gender eqality. [Amy Grindhouse]

Gisele and her girlfriend party in next to nothing for Carnival. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Aniston can’t even get a fucking sex tape right. [Socialite Life]

Lily Allen opens up about her miscarriages. [Huffington Post]

March 8, 2011 at 8:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Links Links Links

7Willow Smith’s Video for ’21st Century Girl’ is Here I Guess

Well. OK. The song itself, predictably, makes me want to cut my ears off and bury them in the sand next to girlfriend’s guitar, in hopes that her raucous unearthing of said guitar doesn’t disturb my poor, severed ears so that they may rot in peace and solitude for all eternity. I also want to die quite a bit every time I hear little Willow say ‘I like to rock the beat,’ because THEN all I can think of that stupid-assed lilty-voiced yodel that Ke$ha does in ALL OF HER FUCKING SONGS.

On the positive side, I do know that I’d totally love the video and song both if I was eight again, and then I feel bad for bashing it to begin with. ‘The little girl’s ten years old, Sarah, ffs.’ I KNOW, alright?

And lastly? I don’t get the old lady in the beginning. Can someone with a deeper intellect than I apparently possess explain it to me?

March 7, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Willow Smith

13Ke$ha Tries to Be All Hot and Stuff for Maxim

photo of kesha for maxim hot pictures

While my friends and I were busy trying to figure out whether Ke$ha would smell like half-rotted fish, stale bottom-shelf menthol cigarettes, and unwashed scalp, Ke$ha went and did this photo shoot for Maxim, cheesily titled ‘She Will Rock You,’ and blew our general suppositions all to hell. We scrambled like frightened birds, totally thrown by the potential for a ‘hot’ Ke$ha and had to regroup a day later to reconvene our think tank.

Now I think she probably smells like the inside of an unused condom (awright, you caught me – I really meant used) PLUS all that other stuff. You know what sweating in latex reeks like after three or four hours … don’t you?

March 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Ke$ha