Fun fact: I used to be totally obsessed with Degrassi: The Next Generation. I moderated a Degrassi message board, I downloaded the episodes illegally before they aired in the states, I knew who Drake was before his character was even in a wheelchair and I avidly remember when Spike and Snake finally got together.

Obviously a part of me was excited when I saw the preview today for the ELEVENTH season of show (this show has been on for like, 30+ years at this point, huh?) but then I realized… I have no freakin’ idea who any of these kids are. I don’t know their story lines (isn’t one of them transgendered or something?) and I don’t care about them.

I know they couldn’t have let poor Emma give blowjobs in the back of vans until she was 25 or anything, but doesn’t it suck to see how this show totally morphs every 3 years or so? How are we supposed to shut the door on these characters? Anyone care to explain to me in the comments what’s going on?

I still totally ship Cranny, BTW.

Apparently Nikki Reed doesn’t care for my advice, because she was seen out last night holding hands with American Idol‘s #1 Creeper, Paul McDonald.

Of course I don’t know whether or not Paul is actually a skeezy dude, but he gives me super weird vibes and I think he might be a little bit of a user. I’m not happy that Scotty took home the American Idol grand prize, but I’m just glad it wasn’t Paul. I don’t think I’d be comfortable having this dude sneak on to my radar for the next several years. At least I’m pretty sure that once Nikki comes to her senses, he’ll fade into obscurity like the rest of the Idols.

Kendra Wilkinson is thinking about having her second child with husband Hank Baskett (guess those break-up rumors are as false as her titties,) but she’s not doing all of the traditional mommy prep that we normally hear about. Nope, the girl’s just getting wasted with her husband, going at it and hoping that a baby comes out of it.

When asked about her plans for getting pregnant again, Kendra told People, “Hank and I need a couple more drunken nights. We need to get drunk and have crazy sex a couple more times.”

Totally, Kendra. Just slam back those Malibu Bay Breezes until you can’t feel anything and then have at it.

So January Jones is just about the most flawless looking pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. Just gonna cut to that part of this whole post ASAP, because I truly don’t understand why the dude who put that kid in her isn’t making announcements like, “EXCUSE ME, EARTH! EXCUSE ME, I GOT THAT HOT CHICK FROM MAD MEN PREGNANT!”

For those of you who have no idea what’s going on: January’s pregnant and no one knows who the dad is. Some people are saying it’s a dude from Saturday Night Live, others are saying it’s the director of X-Men and honestly? It’s not really any of our business, but it’s fun to try and guess who put their you-know-what in her you-know-what and made a kid.

Either way, chick’s bangin’.

And by that headline I mean, “Of course I have no proof that he’s actually sticking it to her, but if you’ve ever had sex in your life you can tell me what these two must be doing behind closed doors after looking at these pictures.”

I’ve been saying it forever. The Victoria’s Secret shopping sprees, the PDA, the pancakes, it all adds up. But if you needed any more proof that these two are getting their swerve on, then look at these photos. That is some raw sexuality right there. Her bikini-covered pelvis smashed into his waist as their mouths connect and he carries her through the ocean knowing full well that there’s most likely a camera crew near by?

Watch your back, Selena. Those Bielibers are ruthless.

But what else is new, right?

Following the success of Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant, MTV has just ordered a reality pilot titled Married Young, which features (hold ya breath) young folks getting married! Why not continue to make a spectacle of young people making life-ruining decisions, right?

It’s not that I think marriage doesn’t work out any more or that monogamy and making it work through thick and thin is impossible or outdated. In fact, I think I’m one of my only friends who doesn’t seem to feel that way, but anyone, especially a young couple, broadcasting their wedding and first year of marriage on television is bound to screw themselves over. I feel like this is pretty much a proven fact at this point and Jessica & Nick, Carmen & Dave and Shanna & Travis can attest to that. At least when they were making these kinds of shows with celebrities, they had some semblance of an abnormal lifestyle and a shitload of money to fall back on.

MTV, I love you so much sometimes. Please just do something normal and less life ruin-y with your programming.