Today's Evil Beet Gossip

When You Are Famous, Ordering Out Isn’t Just for Pizza and Chinese Food

David Banda, Madonna

Chifundo “Mercy” James was flown out of Malawi via private jet on Friday and was expected to meet Madonna in London on Saturday morning. Although Madge wasn’t actually present to pick the kid up, Mercy was accompanied by a nanny, a baby nurse and another children’s aide.

I almost adopted a kitten today. I agonized over it for about an hour, then finally my good sense got the better of me and I decided it wouldn’t be fair to the kitten to take sole responsibility for its tiny life when I am so busy all the time, am often out of town, and won’t be able to give it the attention and stability it needs…

And if I had adopted it, I would have at least driven it home from the shelter myself.

Miley Cyrus is Tired and in Need of Dental Floss

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus was looking less than excited while filming on location for The Last Song in Tybee Island, Georgia. A brief smile errupts after she’s introduced to some shirtless, evil looking douche with a frat strap, but the rest of the time Miley looks really tired. And miserable. And like she’s got some chicken stuck in her teeth, y’all. She gouges at her gums in more than a few shots and doesn’t even remove her chicken pickin’ finger from her mouth when she shakes the guy’s hand.

Jennifer Aniston: Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper

Jennifer Aniston at the 2009 Crystal Lucy Awards

It must be difficult for Jennifer Aniston to eat out, considering that she hast to be in a relationship with someone in order to eat dinner with them.

Late Friday night, Jen was spotted having a late dinner with The Hangover start Bradley Cooper. According to the manager, the two were “very nice and chatty.” Given that they also went to a party together in May, gossip bloggers consider this irrefutable evidence that the two are now engaged and she is pregnant with his love spawn.

I’m not going to hand Beet the tissue box and Jennifer Aniston-shaped voodoo doll just yet because according to the manager, the two didn’t drink any alcohol during their “dinner date.” Perhaps I’m just a whiskey-soaked slut, but have you ever been on a late Friday night date (with someone who was not fresh out of a 12 step program) that didn’t involve alcohol?

That may be more of a sad commentary on my romantic life than proof that these two aren’t dating, but I’m not biting on this one just yet.

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day! I’d like to thank dads everywhere for telling corny jokes, yelling at the television when something they don’t agree with comes on Fox News, and falling asleep in the living room chair.

To celebrate, here are some pics of celebrity dads doing dad things with their offspring: taking their kids to the park, playing at the beach, and appearing in federal court.

Who’s your daddy?

Beet’s Update: It’s not actually Father’s Day in the U.S. yet, so don’t panic. The photo agency was just jumping the gun by posting all these photos. Well, they want ‘em up early so the magazines can buy them in time for their issues on Father’s Day. Which is next week. So you’re all fine.

Britney Spears Flashes Paps

Britney Spears Crotch Panty Upskirt

I cannot seem to escape articles about the vulva today. Britney Spears made the tabloid news this weekend, and once again, the pictures we have are not of a private appearance by the singer in London, but of an appearance by her privates. She can manage to cover her head with a jacket, but can’t cover up that other, more important hair?

I must have Britney’s bush fatigue because I am getting very, very tired of seeing this woman’s reproductive parts.

The “business” is in the gallery.

Dave Grohl: Poo Fighter

90613w10_grohl_b-gr_02

There are few things in this world that warm my heart more than seeing a dyed in the wool rock star pushing a baby stroller.

Saturday afternoon, Foo Fighters front man and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl and his wife Jordyn Blum took their two baby girls– two month old newborn Harper Willow and 3 year old Violet Maye– for a stroll and a quick nibble at The Stand. They win the parents of the year award for most normal, adorable baby naming.

Dave eschewed the standard flowery diaper bag in favor of an orange backpack, but you know that thing was packed with booty wipes and maybe a binkie or two.

Lindsay Calls Samro ‘Baby’ & Sends Her a Pic of a Volkswagen Beetle with a Vagina On It

Lindsay Lohan

I thought about coming up with some kind of clever headline, but in this case, the truth is hilarious enough.

Lindsay tweeted Samantha Ronson with the message “Baby! Scott sent this. So weird!!!” and sent a link to this picture of a Volkswagen Beetle with a large photograph of a vagina plastered on the hood…the clitoral hood.*ba-dum-ching*

Edit: I should not have to point out that the picture is NSFW. But apparently, I do. That picture is NSFW.