Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Emma Stone: “I Don’t Believe in Depriving Yourself”

A photo of Emma Stone

Emma Stone, my darling! It’s been far too long since I last sang your praises, but do not worry, my dear, because my love has not faded at all. I still while away the hours admiring your heartbreaking beauty, and my soul still yearns for yours. My love for you shall never disappear, dear Emma, for it is a constant thing that lives in me, and after my last breath, after my body decays and I am no longer part of the physical world, my love for you will be a part of the universe. I will leave my love for you in the stars, in the constellations and galaxies and the vast heavens above you, and it will shine on your pale skin like the moonlight, leaving you warm as the sun.

But hey, before I start sounding too much like Jim Carrey, let me show you this interview she just did, all right?

From Us Weekly:

Like most women, Emma Stone isn’t 100 percent happy with her body.

“I do have that thing of, ‘Oh my God, I’m disgusting! I ate a huge Wagamama lunch, the whole yaki soba, and I feel so fat,’” the 23-year-old tells England’s S Magazine. “But I’m still gonna eat that stuff, and you know what? You can get nice, loose clothes that cover it all up.”

The actress, who’s currently dating her Amazing Spider-Man costar Andrew Garfield, adds: “I’m not gonna go parading around in a bikini. OK, I did that in a photo shoot once, but it’s about what you’re comfortable with at the time you’re comfortable with it. That was a good day, but you won’t hear me saying I have no body issues because I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t.”

While shooting the Oscar-nominated film The Help in 2010, Stone put on a few extra pounds after indulging in Mississippi’s famous comfort foods.

“Suddenly nothing fitted me, but then they have such delicious food in the South and I don’t believe in depriving yourself,” Stone tells S Magazine. “Yes, you should be healthy and take care of yourself, but growing up I’ve seen people who have horrible issues with food.”

Laughs Stone: “I haven’t worked out for a month and I’m proud of it!”

“Running is bad for your knees and I like to do things I actually enjoy, like going for a swim. I had a trainer during Spider-Man and I discovered I have deep-seated rage when I’m holding heavy weights over my head. Whatever dormant anger I have in me, that’s where it comes out. That’s not the kind of working out I want to do,” the actress explains.

“I would much rather sleep at night than want to throw a weight across a room at someone. I’m usually a pretty peaceful person, but for some reason when I get in the gym something bubbles up in me.”

Of course I totally agree with her. Health is definitely important, like she said, but come on, you only get this one life, and if you spend it obsessing over every calorie and never, ever letting yourself have one piece of goddamn cake, then that seems like a waste to me. Eat some cake. Have a cookie. Get yourself a bowl of ice cream. It’s ok. As long as you don’t eat an entire pie by yourself, sobbing and calling yourself a stupid cow, then it’s ok. And even that’s ok sometimes! Just indulge yourself every once in a while, but try and be healthy enough so that you can indulge yourself for a long, long time.

Do we all feel good now? Do we feel a little inspired? All right, then I’m going to go plan out a great Southern meal for Emma and design a really pretty invitation. Maybe then she’ll finally answer my emails.

Blind Item: Which Celebrity’s Mom Brags About Her Daughter’s Sex Life?

From Blind Gossip:

She’s not a regular Mom. She’s a cool Mom! When her daughter has a gig, she doesn’t just show up and clap. She parties hard with her daughter’s friends until the wee hours of the morning. And when Mom’s partying, she and her mouth get totally out of control.

On a bender last week – and while her daughter was on the other side of the room – she regaled a large group of people with the most intimate and disgusting details ofher daughter’s sexual conquests. She told stories about a famous singer who thought her daughter was beautiful (“He likes to take the virginity of his groupies!”), an heir to a family fortune (“Good thing he has a handsome face, because his penis is really small!), and a slimy actor (“He likes the back door, and he said that [my daughter] was the best sex he’s ever had… and he’s had everybody!”). It’s nice to see a Mom so proud of her her little princess.

Oh hey, Dina Lohan! It’s nice to hear that you’re as horrible as everyone always thought!

Really though, I don’t think there’s any way this blind item could be about anyone other than Dina. The multiple references to a princess (the last line, obviously, and also the title of the item is “Cool Mom Is Proud of Her Princess,” and the photo attached is of Sleeping Beauty) represent Lindsay‘s most popular skit during her time on Saturday Night Live, the Real Housewives of Disney. The line “she’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom” is a line straight from Mean Girls. Do I have to go on? I will anyway.

For the men mentioned, I’m not too sure about the singer. Several people are guessing John Mayer or Jared Leto though. The heir to a family fortune could be a number of people really: remember when she was with that Greek shipping heir, Stavros? That’s probably that one. As for the slimy actor who’s hooked up with everybody, that’s Wilmer Valderrama. That’s also so gross.

This whole thing is so gross though. It’s not hard at all to see Dina talking about her daughter like this, or to imagine Lindsay telling her mother these things in the first place. They just have a weird, creepy, weird relationship, and apparently that translates to Dina bragging about Lindsay’s anal sex skills.

Any other guesses though?

Look, People Are Making Fun of Adele!

A photo of Adele

Oh my goodness, I really don’t have to say this again, do I? Honestly? Ok, fine, I love Adele. I love her music, I love her personality, and I love her beautiful face. She can never do anything wrong, for she is the definition of perfection. I love her.

But you know what else I love? I love to laugh. I’d say that could be my very favorite thing to do. So it makes sense that when two of the most wonderful things in the world to me, laughter and Adele, come together, it pleases me greatly. And it did. And it does.

The first example of people making fun of Adele (and by the way, when I say “making fun,” I don’t mean anything malicious by it, I think this is a good case of “laughing with her, not at her”) comes in the form of a video in the long list of “Shit Whoever Says” videos. Since you’re reading this on the internet, I don’t think I need to explain that phenomenon to you, so instead, I’ll just show you the video “Shit Adele Says.”

Love it. “Where’s me adult toys? Where’s Lana Del Rey, I can’t find it. Is it in California?” I can’t, I love it.

Another one of my favorite things that pokes fun at Adele is a wonderful little Twitter account. The handle? Adele’s Ex BF. Yes, it’s a whole series of tweets of someone pretending to be that douchebag who broke Adele’s heart, giving reasons why he left her.  I’ll show you some of my favorites:

Adele would refuse to take any photo with my family unless she could flash the shocker.

Adele would always fart in public then look at me and say, “Did I do that?” in the Urkel voice.

Adele used to look at her own shit in the toilet, shake her head and say “Bless this mess.”

Every time we were about to have sex, Adele would say “Dude, you’re getting Adele,” and then crack up.

Adele had 38 fake “LinkedIn” accounts because she thought it was a “classic Jackass-style prank.”

Adele referred to all genitals as “Burts” and “Ernies.”

16 separate times Adele claimed she invented Basketball.

Whenever Adele had a cold she would sneeze in my face so we could be “sick buddies.”

Adele would put her “best” boogers she picked on her nightstand and call them “flavor savers.”

Adele called movies with subtitles “confusies.”

Love. Her. To death.