Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Blind Item: Which Former SNL Cast Member Flashes His Junk in Gyms?

I feel a little confident with this blind item, you guys. I know, usually I’m real bad at these, but this one is about Saturday Night Live, and I know me some Saturday Night Live. Ready? Here’s our item:

Which closeted former “SNL” star is getting a bad reputation at spas and gyms around Hollywood for his illegal sexual activities? The once-married actor has been caught pleasuring himself in front of other male patrons, and it’s just a matter of time before he’s publicly exposed!

Chris Kattan, right? It’s got to be him – remember that time he married his girlfriend and they got separated eight weeks later? Homosexual tendencies, everybody. I’m pretty sure it’s hard to make it through a hetero marriage when you have those.

Some people are also saying Eddie Murphy: he was married twice, but the second one wasn’t legal. I’m not so sure about this one. He has children with four different ladies (one of which is a Spice Girl), which seems a little off for a gay dude, right?

Any other guesses, friends?

Jennifer Aniston Might Get Married by The End of The Year!

A photo of Jennifer Aniston

Oh, Jennifer Aniston. You’ve come a long way, baby. It’s been a rough ride, but word on the street is that things are finally working out for you. You’re moving in with your boyfriend, Justin Theroux, and nobody really cares about that 14 year fling he had right before he met you. There’s some talk of motherhood in the future! And you know what would be the icing on the cake here? A WEDDING!

Star is reporting that Jennifer wants to marry Justin before 2012 in a small, private ceremony in Mexico. Sources are saying that Jen “feels there’s no reason to wait” and that “she’s never felt more comfortable nor felt she had so much in common with a man as she does with Justin.” And what would the hottest woman of the decade wear to such an event? A “short off-white” or “pastel” dress, natch!

Well, we’ll see, I suppose. I honestly think that after all this time, Jennifer has a pretty solid idea out of what she wants out of a relationship, but what’s the rush? Wouldn’t it be more fun to savor all the stages of a relationship than to jump ahead so far?

Will Jennifer Aniston get married this year?
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Rosario Dawson: “None of Us Look Like That”

A photo of Rosario Dawson

Do we love Rosario Dawson or what? I’ve always thought that she was really pretty in a unique sort of way, and hey, she was in Rent. She wasn’t my favorite Mimi – I don’t care what my friends say, Daphne Rubin-Vega will always be the Mimi of my heart – but she was still lovely. And now Rosario is covering this month’s issue of Shape, and I think even more highly of her for her lovely words:

“I remember everyone asking when I was doing press for the movie (Rent), ‘What did you do to look so thin? You looked great’ and I’m like, ‘I looked emaciated’ … It’s a form of violence, in the way that we look at women and how we expect them to look and be — for what sake? Not health, not survival, not enjoyment of life but just so you could look pretty. I’m constantly telling girls all the time, ‘Everything’s airbrushed, everything’s retouched. None of us look like that.”

You know, I respect the hell out of Rosario Dawson for saying this. It’s a real shame seeing amazingly beautiful ladies being Photoshopped to hell, and it’s sad to think that younger girls might think that that’s what they should actually look like. But hey, with Mimi Marquez, the heroin addict/stripper with a heart of gold, telling little ladies not to worry about Hollywood’s ridiculous standards for physical beauty, things just might be looking up!

Image courtesy of Jezebel

Wait, You Mean Jesse James Might Have CHEATED on Kat Von D?!

A photo of Kat Von D and Jesse James

I am truly shocked. I am shocked and appalled and dismayed by the notion that Jesse James might have actually slept around with other ladies while engaged to Kat Von D, and that’s the reason that they broke up. Here, read the full story from Radar while I gather myself:

According to an eyewitness, Jesse and Kat had a verbal argument outside of her Los Angeles, California, home Monday afternoon about another woman before Kat finally told him to leave.

“They were outside and I could hear them fighting. Kat kept throwing some woman’s name out and arguing about how she didn’t like him living so far away,” the source exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

“Jesse finally said, ‘Fine, f*ck you!’ and sped away on his motorcycle. Kat sat in her Bentley with her head on the steering wheel for about three minutes before finally driving away.”

“It was clear from the tone of the conversation that Kat was accusing Jesse of something with this other woman,” the eyewitness said.

Honestly, you think you know somebody and then something like this happens. Who are we supposed to trust in this world? Who are we supposed to look up to in these trying times? Who didn’t see this coming from a zillion miles away?

A Haley Reinhart Album?!?!

Oh, how dearly I remember Haley Reinhart, my second favorite American Idol contestant. She sang like a sassy angel, she won beautiful Casey Abrams‘ heart, and now she’s going on to land a record deal with Interscope. Positively fabulous!

How much faith do you have in Haley’s upcoming album? Because, you know, I WOULD have had a lot of faith, but I did hear that little snippet of Pia Toscano‘s original stuff, also from Interscope, by the way, and it shook my faith a little. That’s wrong of me, isn’t it? I shouldn’t doubt awesome Haley based on my recent experience with the always boring Pia. That’s not fair to anyone, and I apologize.

Well, I’ve done a lot of personal growth in this little story. You might not have taken the same path as me. You might be one of those people who thought that Haley sucked, and to you I say “look what you did to America.” Either way, I’d love to talk about this little chain of events. Thoughts? Comments? Personal attacks? Let’s get to chatting, friends.

Aww, Look at The Bieber’s Father/Son Tattoos!

A photo of Justin Bieber

Remember back when we showed you some sweet pictures of Justin and Selena Gomez frolicking along the beach, and it looked like The Biebz had a touch of ink on his ribs? Well, it’s because he did. And so does his dad.

In such a tender and loving display of familial affection, Justin and his dad, Jeremy, both got the Hebrew word for “Jesus” tattoed on their torsos. Because hey, nothing says “fatherly love” like getting the Lord’s name permanently etched on your 17-year-old kid’s flesh, right?

Ok, of course I’m just kidding. Plenty more things say “fatherly love” than that. For instance, getting the Lord’s name permanently etched on your 17-year-old kid’s flesh right before he goes off to sin with his lady. Now that speaks volumes, don’t you think?