Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Rihanna’s New Video Is Totally About Chris Brown

I know, I know. Another story about the mysterious, stupid romance of Rihanna and Chris Brown. But at least this one has horses and diamonds. That's something, right? Ok, look. The horses represent both Rihanna and Chris, see? And the diamonds she smokes, they represent their relationship, which is both beautiful and hard. And they got high a lot. Oh, and that mysterious tattooed arm in the video? That could actually be Chris Brown's arm. No, his literal arm. Scandalous. But in any case, the video has pretty water - doesn't swimming in warm water sound just so perfect right now? - and lots of slow motion horse shots, so there's something for everyone, now isn't there? /> I know, I know. Another story about the mysterious, stupid romance of Rihanna and Chris Brown. But at least this one has horses and diamonds. That's something, right? Ok, look. The horses represent both Rihanna and Chris, see? And the diamonds she smokes, they represent their relationship, which is both beautiful and hard. And they got high a lot. Oh, and that mysterious tattooed arm in the video? That could actually be Chris Brown's arm. No, his literal arm. Scandalous. But in any case, the video has pretty water - doesn't swimming in warm water sound just ...

Lady Gaga Has New Hair!

A photo of Lady Gaga I was going to do a "Love it or Leave It" post about Lady Gaga's new hair, but then I figured, what's the point? It's obviously adorable, and it obviously looks loads better than her Louis Vuitton brown bullshit. What's not to love? That picture that Sarah showed you earlier today, the one where Lady Gaga's boobs were all smashed up in a bikini top, that was taken on Tuesday, and she still had brown hair. That photo above is one that Lady Gaga tweeted while celebrating the announcement of Obama's re-election on Tuesday night. But here's where it get...

Russell Brand Made A Cat Video for Ellen DeGeneres

And I'm pretty sure that's the most wonderful sentence I've ever written. Russell Brand, who I actually really, really adore, made the video to celebrate the fact that Ellen's talk show has been on television for ten years. Did you know that? It's obviously an easy fact to check, but it just doesn't seem like nearly that long, does it? I'm going to take that as a sign of Ellen's sheer greatness. But ok, this cat video. This is just completely and totally amazing. I realize that we don't all have the same opinion on cats, or on Russell Brand, for that matter, but can you cat haters and Russell Brand haters also recognize how perfect this video is? Probably not, huh? And that's so very sad. And you know that I can't let an entire post about a cat video go by without me showing you guys a picture of mine: And I'm pretty sure that's the most wonderful sentence I've ever written. Russell Brand, who I actually really, really adore, made the video to celebrate the fact that Ellen's talk show has been on television for ten years. Did you know that? It's obviously an easy fact to check, but it just doesn't seem like nearly that long, does it? I'm going to take that as a sign of Ellen's sheer greatness. But ok, this cat video. This is just completely and totally amazing. I realize that we don't...

Lindsay Didn’t Even Mean to Lie to Police, OK?!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan From Radar: Lindsay Lohan is telling her close friends and associates that she never would have deliberately lied to cops when asked if she was driving the car that rear-ended an eighteen wheeler in Santa Monica, Calif. last summer. Rather, the actress insists she was extremely confused after the accident, RadarOnline.comis exclusively reporting. "Both airbags were deployed when Lindsay rear-ended the dump truck on Pacific Coast Highway last summer. She doesn't remember exactly what she said...

Look, Ke$ha Has A New Music Video!

Back in September, I showed you guys a lyric video that Ke$ha did for her brand new single, "Die Young." The song was undeniable Ke$ha, so you can use that fact to judge it, if you'd like. But this video! It has wolves! And there's Ke$ha writhing around in a pile of men, and writhing around in a pile of women, and then writhing around all by herself on a dirty old mattress. Oh, and there are triangles. Lots of triangles. Other shapes too, but the triangles really steal the show. As always, I can't hate on Ke$ha for doing her thing, but I also can't love something that makes me feel like I'm dying. Her voice, guys. I just can't handle it. It's a pretty ok video though. You know, if you're into shapes. /> Back in September, I showed you guys a lyric video that Ke$ha did for her brand new single, "Die Young." The song was undeniable Ke$ha, so you can use that fact to judge it, if you'd like. But this video! It has wolves! And there's Ke$ha writhing around in a pile of men, and writhing around in a pile of women, and then writhing around all by herself on a dirty old mattress. Oh, and there are triangles. Lots of triangles. Other shapes too, but the triangles really steal the show. As...

Love It or Leave It: Sarah Jessica Parker Is The Worst

A photo of Sarah Jessica Parker Look, I get comfort. I love comfort. A couple of months ago, I found one pair of jeans that turned out to be amazingly comfortable, and then I promptly bought three more pairs of the exact same jeans. Right now I'm wearing my pajama pants, a pajama shirt, a sweatshirt, and a sweater, and it's not all that cute, but it's comfortable as hell. I get it. I support it. But there's a difference between something that's comfortable and something that's an abomination. Sarah Jessica Parker is w...

Love It or Leave It: Scarlett Johansson’s New Tattoo

A photo of Scarlett Johansson I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes so hard in my whole entire life. "Lucky you," really? Really, Scarlett Johansson? This is what you want on your body forever? I don't care if Scarlett here is super hot (which, duh, of course she is), this is just dumb. There's a difference between being confident and being cocky, and there's even a small area of cocky that's ok as long as you can back it up, but this isn't anywhere near that. This is cocky to the max. And it's permanent. I c...

Police Are Being So Mean to Lindsay Lohan

A photo of Lindsay Lohan Everyone is just so mean. Lindsay Lohan never even did anything, and police and lawyers and judges are just being so very mean to her! She didn't do anything wrong! She's a good person! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN?! From TMZ: Lindsay Lohan is telling friends ... cops are on such a vendetta to bring her down. And get this ... Lindsay still claims she wasn't driving at the time her Porsche slammed into a truck last June on the Pacific Coast Highway.  TMZ broke the story ... authoritie...

Octomom Pulled A LeAnn Rimes

A photo of Nadya Suleman Wow, that could mean a lot of things, couldn't it? And all of them are really scary. By saying that Octomom pulled a LeAnn Rimes I could mean that Octomom developed a really strong addiction to Twitter, or that she suddenly became really, really skinny and got weird breast implants, or that she became fixated on a married man and started an ongoing mission to marry him herself and to play mommy to his children with his ex. Scary, right? Fortunately, none of those things happened. No, when I say that O...

Madonna Is STILL Talking About Lady Gaga

I don't know what it is*, but I'm feeling really irritable today, and this Madonna shit is not helping. Her remarks about Lady Gaga happen within the first minute or so of the video, so you don't have to hear her annoying voice for too long, but if you just can't handle it today, basically she says that she asked Lady Gaga to perform with her, but Lady Gaga refused. I know, that doesn't sound too extreme, but she said it in her usual condescending way, and why can't she just shut her f-cking mouth about Lady Gaga? Why is that such a hard thing to do? *I do know what it is. It's Facebook. People I know are actually saying that Obama's re-election is a sign that the world really is going to end this year. And they're serious. People are saying that the world is "doomed," and that the election doesn't matter after all since the world will be ending in December anyway. And also, many people apparently don't understand that the U.S. is not a theocracy, or that Obama is a president, not a wizard. It's getting old quick, friends. /> I don't know what it is*, but I'm feeling really irritable today, and this Madonna shit is not helping. Her remarks about Lady Gaga happen within the first minute or so of the video, so you don't have to hear her annoying voice for too long, but if you just can't handle it today, basically she says that she asked Lady Gaga to perform with her, but Lady Gaga refused. I know, that doesn't sound too extreme, but she said it in her usual condescending way, and why can't she just shut her f-cking...

Jennifer Lopez Is A Bad Person

A photo of Jennifer Lopez Ok, she might not be a bad person, but she's certainly not a great one. Jennifer Lopez is one of those people who make a huge deal out of everything and who takes everything way too personally. She's the kind of person who would refuse to tip if a waitress took a little too long to bring the check. If a stranger accidentally brushed shoulders with her in a crowded place, she would ask the stranger where she gets the nerve to push her around like that. Do you get what I'm saying? Do you see where...

Channing Tatum Is People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive

A photo of Channing Tatum Ok, probably. Channing Tatum is probably going to be People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Like, we're pretty sure about it. Gossip Con got a tip that on November 14th, Channing will be announced as the sexiest of all living men. That seems like a good bet, right? Two words: Magic Mike. And a few more words: do you remember when Magic Mike came out and 95% of all the women in the world absolutely flipped their shit, and your great aunt was posting weird things about it on Facebook, and you saw groups of ladies holding hands a...