Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Spencer And Heidi Are Broke Because of The Apocalpyse

A photo of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Hey, remember when everybody thought the world was going to end on December 21st, 2012? And some people really thought the world was going to end, and they focused their whole lives on getting ready for it? You should remember that, it wasn’t that long ago. Oh, and there was an episode of Wife Swap about it (not that you should, but if you wanted to, the episode might be on YouTube and it might be TOTALLY WORTH IT). Come on, you guys totally remember this.

But you know who definitely remembers this? Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They remember it so well because they wasted all the money they earned from being dumb because of it.

Here’s what Spencer himself had to say about his behavior in the months and years leading up to December 21st:

“We made and spent at least 10 million dollars. The thing is, we heard that the planet was going to end in 2012. We thought, we have got to spend this money before the asteroid hits.

“Here’s some advice, definitely do not spend your money thinking asteroids are coming. But the world didn’t end.

“I would give my friends $15,000 for their birthday. Just cash. I would buy people cars. Every valet I met got a couple of hundred pounds tip. I would pay people $200 just to open doors for us.”

I love how he said that they “heard the planet was going to end.” It seemed like most people who thought the world was going to end were a lot more adamant about it, you know? Like “the world is ending, prepare for the end times, this is definitely, 100% for sure happening!” But Spencer and Heidi just heard about it somewhere, I guess. It must have sounded pretty legit to them.

But guys, please heed Spencer’s advice and do not spend your money thinking asteroids are coming. If you can take one thing away from this whole story, please let it be that.

Lindsay Lohan Is A Big Sister Again!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

From TMZ:

Big day for Michael Lohan … his daughter escaped jail … and his fiancee just gave birth to a BOUNCING BABY BOY!!!

While Lindsay was sweatin’ it out in court, Kate Major went into labor at a Florida hospital.

We’re told Kate gave birth to a son — Landon Major Lohan — at 11:39 AM PT.

The baby weighed in at 19 3/4 inches, 7 lbs 5 oz … and is already wanted in 3 states (kidding!).

We’re told Michael was with Kate the entire time … and even cut the umbilical cord.

A rep for the family tells us baby, Michael and Kate are all doing great.

Congratulations, everybody! And by “congratulations,” of course I mean “someone please get that poor darling baby as far away from all these people as possible.” Michael Lohan probably didn’t need to be raising any kids in the first place, but I feel like now that his crazy asshole tendencies have really set in, this kid is in even more trouble than he would have been if he was part of the original Lohan brood. I mean, in a few years this kid can Google his dad and read all about the time that he kicked his mom in the vagina. That just has bad news written all over it.

James Franco Is Still Better Than You

A photo of James Franco

At this point, I think it’s safe to say that James Franco is better than all of us. And I say that without any resentment. It’s just the truth. James Franco is a beautiful, talented soul, and we might as well be made of shit. Truth!

But did you know that James Franco is also better than all other celebrities, and basically every other person working in Hollywood? Specifically, he’s better than everyone who worked on the latest Spiderman movie.

Here’s what he had to say about it:

“Eh,” Franco told MTV with his signature smirk and a shrug. “I mean, they could have strayed a little bit more from the original. It’s like, ‘Why?’ Well, I guess they made a lot of money. Congrats. But good for them…Sam and I moved on, we made Oz.”

See? He was in three Spiderman movies, and one video game, but the difference is that he was in the original. He was in the ORIGINAL Spiderman. The movie that he was in with Tobey Maguire was just so creative, so cutting edge! Like, some regular guy was just being regular, but then he develops all these super powers after getting bitten by some weird spider! How did they even come up with that? SO original.

And I love that last little zinger James Franco made: he moved on to make another astoundingly original movie about some wizard in some magical place called Oz! Flying monkeys, even! Where do they come up with this stuff?!