May 15, 2012 at 04:30 am by Emily

A photo of Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, and Charlize Theron

Sadly, even though Chris Hemsworth is in that photo above, I want to focus mainly on Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron here. If Chris had worn a dress, maybe he could have played too. But, as it were, and as you know, the majority of male formal wear is pretty boring, so we’ll just have to appreciate him for the gorgeous creature he is and move on to the ladies’ fashion.

Here’s a shot of Kristen by herself:

A photo of Kristen Stewart

And now here’s Charlize:

A photo of Charlize Theron

I’m not sure why both of them felt the need to wear sheer black dresses, but as far as sheer black dresses go, I definitely prefer Charlize’s. It looks way more comfortable and way more classic, which are big pluses for me. Kristen’s dress, meanwhile, is just awful. It’s just a big ol’ mess that looks itchy and is covered in stupid ruffles. However, when it comes to those close-up shots showing hair and makeup, I do like Kristen’s better. Don’t ask me why, hair and makeup are far from my strong suits, but I think Kristen looks really nice here. But then again, I love Charlize’s earrings. Considering everything, I’m going to have to say that Charlize had a better look.

But what do you guys think?

Who looked better?
View Results
May 14, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

A photo of Roseanne

Yes, Roseanne is still planning on running for president. If you check out her Twitter, you can see that she’s pretty serious about it, or I guess as serious as you can be while using Twitter for your presidential campaign. Another thing you can see if you check out her Twitter is that she really, really wants Willie Nelson to be her vice president, and this weekend, he accepted! But then he got confused and declined.

I’m assuming that Roseanne has mentioned Willie in her campaign before, but he didn’t respond, so she tweeted this:

Mike Tyson, Jello biafra, woody harrelson any of you’s wanna be Vice??? #callme

But a few hours after that, Willie did respond:

I would be happy to run w u After thinking about it awhile it kept sounding better Are u still interested? Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got super excited and said this:

WILLIE I THANK GOD FOR YOU!! May intelligence help us save our country!! BARR/NELSON2012

And then I guess Willie saw Roseanne’s first tweet of ideas for other possible vice presidents, and he backed out:

I see u are speaking to some1 else regarding ur vp running mate I know whoever ur choice is they will be happy to serve w u

Im not ready 2 get n2 politics I have stayed away this long I am content 2 sit on the sidelines & criticize every1 else

Good luck with your campaign. Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got upset and tried to get Willie back for a while, begging him to DM (direct message, for those of you not in the know) her:

wtf??? I told EVERYONE THAT YOU ACCEPTED, DUDE! you can’t back out now! Your country needs you!

can you DM me please?? you are in politics, you were part of a suit against Monsanto for farmers! can you please follow me 4dm

DM ME-follow me please so I can at least tell you what I am thinking–

PLEASE DON’T BACK OUT-I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BE DAVID AGAINST GOLIATH, but your country needs you-farmers need u!

Please let willie know how badly american farmers need his voice! Please Willie Please don’t change ur mind!!

I choose YOU, and want to talk to you-about all of it-dm me-

I am not going to stop until I can talk to you directly thanks

please dm me-follow me first

dm’d U!

I am waiting to speak with Willie Nelson -sent him my cell phone number & want to speak with him. I told every1 he accepted&I still want him

But alas, Willie still hasn’t responded.  Maybe it’s for the best? Or would you support Roseanne/Nelson in 2012?

May 14, 2012 at 07:30 am by Emily

A photo of Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is really pumping out the interviews, huh? It makes sense, because Snow White and the Huntsman is just around the corner, but it’s a little overwhelming, especially when you know that she’d much rather just be chilling at home with Robert Pattinson, smoking weed and not bathing. But she’s being a good sport, and she’s not whining or anything, so that’s nice of her.

Here are some excerpts from her latest interview with Elle, which was done inside a bookstore, for whatever reason:

On her most desired role: “Have you ever read Lie Down in Darkness?” Stewart asks excitedly. “I want to play Peyton more than anything I can possibly taste or touch in my life. I want to play her so bad.” Peyton is bright, beautiful, suicidal narcissist, preyed upon by her father. But Stewart, 22, sees it as more complicated than that. “Oh, dude, she f-ckin’ loves it! She’s in love with him. I mean, I think she’s in love with him. It’s not his fault. They’re the most f-cked-up family! There’s a script adaptation I’ve read and it’s good,” she says, continuing down the aisle. “Two people vying for the part of the father are Daniel Day-Lewis and Colin Firth. Daniel would be perfect.”

On her highfalutin taste: Stewart stops suddenly and smiles, picking up an autobiography. “Let’s not be pretentious – let’s buy Snooki.” (She doesn’t.)

On The Virgin Suicides: “I f-cking love that movie so much. I love teenage girls.”

She reads while she poops: “Oooh, Martin Amis.” Stewart plucks Money from the shelf. “My copy just got soaked – my toilet overflowed.”

On Robert Pattinson: “Oh my God, my f-cking boyfriend just did this movie,” she says, referring to Robert Pattinson while pulling down a copy of Bel Ami. “The French, they’re up in arms that he did it.”

On wearing brown contacts for Twilight: “It’s like I always have sunglasses on – soulless, googly-eyed sunglasses. You can’t feel your eyeballs. They ruined me.”)

On riding horses in Snow White: “I hated it,” she admits of riding. “I didn’t take to the whole mentality of f-cking ordering that thing around – ‘Go now!’ You have to be an asshole, basically. Not to say that horse people are assholes to their horses. But you have to basically tell that thing who’s boss, and I didn’t want to do that. I was like, ‘No, do your thing. I don’t even want to be up here.’”

On her perfect life: “Because I didn’t go to f-cking school, I feel I would have had a bit something extra if I had,” she says. “Maybe because my life is so perfect, when I see the other side of life, it just seems like, almost like I want…” Stewart struggles for words. “You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring. I feel like, Why is everything so easy for me? I can’t wait for something crazy to f-cking happen to me. Just life. I want someone to f-ck me over! Do you know what I mean?” That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? “Exactly. It’s one of the reasons I want to act. I love living in different worlds, because a lot of times mine is pretty nice and easy.”

Her gross car: She unlocks a nondescript rental car (she can’t drive her Mini Cooper without being followed by paparazzi), drops the books in back, slides into the driver’s seat, starts the engine and offers up a Camel. Pushing the cigarette-lighter button, she says, laughing, “I went for the high-class rental. This car’s got all the fixin’s!” Scattered on the passenger side floor are a pair of plaid Van sneakers, an empty protein drink, a Coca-Cola can, and a plastic to-go container with a half eaten sandwich covered in mold. A nearly empty Snapple sits in the cup holder, cigarette buds floating in it.

On her public persona: “Laurence Olivier was asked, ‘Actors, what’s the impulse? Why?’ And he was just like, ‘Look at me, look at me, look at me, …’ That was his answer. But at the same time, it’s like, ‘Nooo, don’t look at me. Look at some version that I’m going to present to you. Let me control it.”

I was so close to making a comment about how it might be sort of neat to be friends with Kristen Stewart, but then I read that part about her car, and, well, no, it wouldn’t be neat at all. She’s pulled it together so much, but sandwiches covered in mold? Total deal breaker.

May 14, 2012 at 06:30 am by Emily

A photo of Nadya Suleman

You’ve heard what all of your friends on Facebook had to say about the Tanning Mom. You’ve heard what Snooki had to say about the Tanning Mom. But you know what you haven’t heard? You haven’t heard the most important public opinion yet. But all that’s about to change, because Nadya Suleman, the mother of the century, the Octomom herself, has given her opinion about Tanning Mom, and here are some of the things that she had to say:

Just days after an expectant Snooki called her a “crazy bitch,” Octomom (real name: Nadya Suleman) shared her thoughts on Tanning Mom’s poor parenting skills.

At first, Suleman–who famously gave birth to octuplets after undergoing in-vitro fertilization in 2009–admitted she was hesitant to pass judgment on a fellow mother.

“I want to give all moms the benefit of the doubt,” Octomom told TMZ this week. “Who am I to judge anyone else?”

Upon hearing more details about the story, she quickly changed her tune.

“I would never even fathom [taking a child tanning],” Suleman said. “That’s unfathomable to me.” Citing the psychological as well as the physical harm done to Tanning Mom’s child, Suleman added, “You’re teaching [her] to define your worth by your reflection in the mirror. I don’t do that. I’ve never done that.”

Griped the mom of 14, “If [Child Protective Services] comes to Octomom’s house, they should definitely go to her house, and they should mandate parenting classes for her, for sure.”

In court Wednesday, Krentcil, 44, pleaded not guilty to second-degree child endangerment. “I never once in my life let my daughter, especially at that age, go into a tanning both,” she told an Essex County judge.

The five-year-old is now in the custody of her father, who admitted to NBC News his daughter–who was noticeably sunburned–boasted to a classmate she “went tanning with Mommy.”

Ok, wait, so Nadya is telling Patricia Krentcil that she needs parenting classes? That’s what we’re hearing here? The lady who’s currently masturbating on camera just so she can get money to pay for the fourteen children she had without considering anything about how she’d be able to provide for them is telling the mother that took her five-year-old child into a tanning booth that she needs parenting classes. Is it just me, or is something about pots and kettles coming to mind?

May 14, 2012 at 05:30 am by Emily

A photo of Demi Lovato

From E! Online:

The X Factor will be housing two former Disney pop princesses at its judging table in season two!

Teen idol Demi Lovato has officially joined the Fox hit reality series as the fourth and final judge, sources confirm to E! News.

Lovato is set to join Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid and fellow newbie judge Britney Spears when the show returns in September.

While Fox isn’t commenting on Lovato’s hiring, the 19-year-old singer is expected to make an appearance tomorrow at the network’s upfront presentation in New York City. Spears is also expected to appear at the event where a formal announcement about the duo joining the show will be made.

News of Lovato officially joining the show was first reported by TMZ.

Last week, Spears finalized her deal to join the show. As we previously reported, Spears will get $15 million for one season’s worth of work.

Before Lovato signed on, The X Factor was reportedly courting fellow former Disney star Miley Cyrus, but sources told us she was never approached with an offer.

Cowell had been on the hunt for two judges to replace Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger since he fired them in January.

So how great is the next season of X Factor going to be now? Simon Cowell, Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, and, uh, that other dude. Can you even imagine all the hijinks these judges will get into? What I really want to see is the interaction between Simon and Britney. I think that will be absolutely priceless. Like, what if Simon pulls out some of his smooth moves with the ladies and manages to woo Britney? Think about what a powerful couple that would be. Think about the dynamic between those two. Now consider what would happen if Demi Lovato had secret feelings for Simon that went unnoticed, creating a sordid love triangle. What great television, right?

In completely unrelated news, I wonder if people ever write any fan fiction about X Factor?

May 14, 2012 at 04:30 am by Emily

A photo of Rihanna

This is what Rihanna wore to take her mother, Monica, out to dinner yesterday. Now, since this is Rihanna, and since you have eyeballs that can see things, I probably don’t have to tell you how ridiculous this ensemble is. I also probably don’t have to tell you that Rihanna’s mom in the background there is dressed way cuter than her daughter. But listen, if I wore that ensemble around my mother, I would probably get a spanking. My mom would “whoop the far* out of me” and tell me to put on some clothes if I wanted to go out. And I’m kind of disappointed that Rihanna’s mom wouldn’t do the same.

*People from the South, you know what I’m talking about. You know how people with a thick dialect say “fire,” but it sounds like “far.” Did any of you Southern kids have trouble trying to understand how someone could whoop the far out of you? What “far” in me? What does that even mean? I was probably 14 before I figured out “oh, you’re saying ‘fire.’” But that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.