Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Why is Tila Tequila Singing Again? Fucking Why?

Tila sings. Acapella. And raps. Poorly. Oh, man, if this isn’t trainwreck entertainment at its best, nothing is. She kind of reminds me of Snoop … you know, if Snoop wasn’t talented, male and coherent (at least most of the time).

Hearing her sing without music behind her actually reminds me of a time when Tila was pure … ish. It was January or February of 2005 and I’d embarked on my first tour of New Orleans’ Mardi Gras and my friends and I were completely — completely — wasted. We’d spent all day (and the previous night … and the day before … and the previous night before that) drinking. We had hit up pretty much every bar in the vicinity of Bourbon Street three times over at that point and Fat Tuesday was fast-approaching. We made another pilgrimage to one of the city’s hottest karaoke bars (yes, I’m a bona fide karaoke freak, thankyouverymuch) and stumbled upon none other than Ms. OMG herself, Tila Tequila. She was brunette then and didn’t have boobs as big as the lumpy mountains she calls tits now, but it was Tila in all of her cheerleader-skirt-with-garter-belts glory. She was just as wasted as the rest of us were and had her place on stage, dancing and grinding with the DJs. At that point, I didn’t really know who she was (other than another D-list famester) and I didn’t care much — that was the night that I got to sing a duet with a former contestant of American Idol, Desmond. If that was even his name. We sang Prince’s “Kiss” and it made my night. Tila had slithered off during the course of the evening, but I’ll always remember her as that babbling, inebriated kewpie doll, dancing dangerously and swinging tattooed limbs all over the place. Good times.

Oh, yeah, and her gossip site is up and running. But please don’t jump ship on me. I promise to (try and) be way more entertaining than the non-pregnant, sometimes-lesbian, drug-and-alcohol addled Tila Tequila. They’re some pretty big boobs boots to fill, but I’m confident I can do it. Even if I have to go and rob CVS stores to prove it.

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