Despite the fact that she’s only 18, Kylie Jenner looks roughly 35, and her transformation took less than two years to complete. Sure, your appearance changes as you get older, especially when you’re a teenager, but I think we can all agree that the youngest member of the Kardashian/Jenner clan has undergone more than a few cosmetic procedures. There’s no shade there — she looks good (most of the time) and if she’s happy with herself, good for her. My issue isn’t that she’s probably kept a plastic surgeon in work for life, but rather that she feels the need to lie about it. In fact, Kylie insisted in a new interview that she’s never had a boob job or a nose job, despite all evidence to the contrary.
“I thought [internet speculation] was going to chill down when I said: ‘OK, I admit it, I got my lips done, I never lied, I just wasn’t telling the whole truth’, she tells Wonderland Magazine in their “Fame” issue. “People don’t realize I just turned 18, so there’s no way my mom would ever let me undergo a nose job or a boob job.”
First of all, Kris Jenner leaked her own daughter’s sex tape to get her a career, so I don’t for one second think she wouldn’t have signed off on an opportunity to make even more money off her youngest daughter. This is more than just gaining a little weight or wearing a good bra — she has a completely new body, just like big sister Kim.
Anyway, as I said, my issue isn’t that she had these things done (though I do think it’s sad that the women in this family are so insecure), but that she expects us to buy a load of boloney that’s clearly not true.
I rest my case. They didn’t even cover the butt implants, either!
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For the love of God We get it already, yes the Kartrashian/Jenners are the most beautiful, most talented and sexist women who’ve ever walked the earth and are sexual Goddesses.
Hell they ought to be phenomenal at sex they’ve been,
pounded more than a Salvation Army Drum at Christmas time,
banged more than a screen door in a hurricane,
tapped more than beer kegs at a frat party,
hammered more than nails at a construction site,
entered more than the US southern border,
shagged more than an old 70’s carpet ,
more tube steaks than at an LGBT convention,
been laid more the the Keystone Pipeline,
have downed more wieners than at a Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest,
popped more than champagne corks on New Year’s Eve,
tapped more than an NSA phone line,
drilled more than Anwar,
polished more heads than a barber at a military recruiting station,
and go to their knees and down on a man faster than a Muslim at noon time prayer.
Plus the sheer fact that they’ve all had more black inside them than a Brothers Ink Cartridge or an inner city cop car.
What I’m saying is having sex with a Kartrashian would be like throwing a sausage into the Grand Canyon!
Get my point?
Oh and please don’t forget the freak show nut job (pun intended) patriarch, Bruised Jennitals. He’s the most heroic and brave human who’s ever lived. Forget about that poor college basketball player who lived, played and died of a brain tumor. Freak show Cait stole the ESPY award away from her.
This abomination killed a woman with its car just months earlier and got away with it too.
Its reality show on E! should be called “I Am Cait Plus 8 INCHES!” Now that’s freaking reality.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!
These rotten Kartrashians need to be punched in the face.
Kylie should be spayed before she reproduces.