It’s been nearly four years since this site has reported on Kid Rock, and for good reason – he’s a fucking idiot. What he’s been doing since our last story is anyone’s guess – probably terrorizing “real America” in myriad ways, no doubt. For some reason, The Guardian thought it’d be a great idea to let him terrorize us even more by letting him write his own column about… nothing and everything. Here are some highlights in which Kid talks about being a redneck, his right to call shit “gay” when he wants, and more:
I am definitely a Republican on fiscal issues and the military, but I lean to the middle on social issues. I am no fan of abortion, but it’s not up to a man to tell a woman what to do. As an ordained minister I don’t look forward to marrying gay people, but I’m not opposed to it.
I’m not just wealthy, I’m loaded. I can say that because I’m not embarrassed – I’ve made a fuck-ton of money, but I’ve never made a dishonest dollar. I try to do right by the people around me.
I’m 43 and about to become a grandfather, but it keeps my redneck street cred up. I could be a great-great-great-grandfather by the time I’m 80. I am excited, but also nervous for my son. He was dropped on my doorstep at six months when I had no money and was trying to be a rock star. I didn’t have a clue.
My success with women picked up around the 14 millionth record I sold. I know what it was about – I don’t exactly look like Brad Pitt. I learned to be careful. I didn’t want 10 kids around. But there have been a lot of women. I could have set a better example for my son. When he was a teenager I’d bring home girls that he had more in common with than I did.
I don’t smoke much weed, it makes me dumb. But they should legalise and tax everything: pot, cocaine, heroin. Has it not been proven that people will always find a way to get what they want?
I’m always buying more guns. I have everything from a Civil War cannon to an MP5 machine gun and old police guns. If someone invades your house, yeah, you can shoot them. I don’t think crazy people should have guns.
Rap-rock was what people wanted at the time, and they still love those songs at shows. But it turned into a lot of bullshit and it turned out to be pretty gay… If someone says you can’t say “gay” like that you tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re not going to get anything politically correct out of me.
I just… I’m sort of dumbfounded, but not really – I mean, it is Kid Rock we’re talking about here, not the next Nobel Prize winner. His views on things are so… simplistic, so ignorant. Like, I get that he’s a redneck and he’s very proud of keeping that culture alive, but… wow.
Also, how on God’s green earth is Kid Rock so loaded? I mean, maybe in his heyday, sure, but NOW? Seriously?