Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Gwyneth Paltrow still doesn’t know her place

gwyneth paltrow martha stewart

Gwyneth Paltrow has always thought the sun shines out of her own asshole and clearly still does. She has a lifestyle and a personality that makes every synapse in my brain misfire and I can’t stand her. But even if I did like her, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason to take her side in her ongoing… whatever it is with Martha Stewart. There is no beating Martha Stewart, not when it comes to homemaking/cooking and the like. And most people are smart enough not to try – Blake Lively went there but quickly came to her senses – but Gwyneth, oh… no, Gwyneth thinks she’s a special snowflake and is trying to get one up on Martha’s “Conscious Coupling” spread with her own “Jailbird Cake”, published on the Goop site this week.

gwyneth paltrow jailbird cake

First of all, what is this terrible excuse for a cake and why is it caving in on the sides? I’m surprised Gwyneth let such imperfection go live on her site. Is it supposed to be “quaint” because if you were making this in prison, you wouldn’t be able to get things precise? However, I will say I’m impressed that Gwyn allows you to use a WHOLE TABLESPOON of powdered sugar for this recipe. God, that’ll be her maxed out on carbs for the year!

Oh, and there’s this:

“The folks at goop know how to have some fun, too,” a source close to the goop creator tells PEOPLE. “If Martha served up the appetizer, the Jailbird Cake is just desserts.”

Oh, sit down, Gwyneth. Please. You’re embarrassing yourself.

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I for one think this is fantastic. 2Pac v Biggie, Bloods v Crips, Martha “Cold Cut” Stewart v GOOP. Step your shit up, Rachel Ray.

  • Next move: Martha will produce a beautiful, delicious cake baked by her kitchen minions and decorated with a little plastic Gwyneth head-in-a-box on top.

  • I watched the trailer Johfor her new movie with Johnny Depp, Mortdecai. Watching the trailer it was obvious the movie would be a flop, Johnny Depp needs to realize that his quirky male lead is only profitable for so long. In all honesty though, Gwennie is what ruined the whole trailer experience. That fake British accent was just so pretentious, like you know she talks like this at home and expects everyone to believe that she is fine British royalty. Cut Gwen out of the movie and you might have something that could make back half the production costs.

  • That is supposed to be competing with Martha Steward? That’s not even a recipe, unless a lot of it got cut off the bottom. That’s some budget, throw it together at the last minute, I can’t cook so I’ll use store-bought cookies crap.

    Not to be a snob about people who can’t cook, it’s just that Martha actually does, and her recipes are gorgeous creations. Considering how seriously Goopy takes herself and her ‘brand’ I was expecting something elegant (both in looks and taste) not something a bunch of half-drunk college kids with the munchies would whip up.

    The only thing tasty about that cake is the schadenfreude at her failing. Somewhere Martha is sipping a lovely cup of tea and smiling, quietly thinking “Bitch, please.”.