Listen, I know celebrities do crazy shit all the time, but it constantly blows my mindgrapes when they admits to it publicly like it’s totally normal. Case in point: Jessica Alba now says that she wore a corset – yes, that Victorian binding apparatus which caused both physical discomfort and physiological damage – for THREE MONTHS after giving birth in order to lose weight. Technically it was a “double girdle”, but same shit. Earth to Jessica Alba: not only is that not healthy, but it’s also not how weight loss works. Christ almighty.
It’s almost time to go, a sofa date beckoning for Alba and Warren but, before I leave, as an expectant mother I have to ask how she got her toned body back so quickly after two births. The secret, it turns out, is a girdle. Two, in fact. “It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,” she qualifies. “I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.”
Uh… I’m speechless on this one. Can a corset/girdle/whatever hold you in? Hell yeah, I love my Spanx and would wear them daily if I could/wasn’t lazy. But it doesn’t make weight evaporate from your body. She’s admitted to wearing one before in order to keep the skin from sagging after giving birth, so I’m down with that, but she’s also admitted to starving herself and working out like a maniac, so let’s not go there.
You know where I will go, though? To Chipotle for lunch, because I want a burrito.