Bite down on something and make sure you’re lying on a soft surface just in case this story sends you into a grand mal seizure: Rihanna is speaking out in support of Chris Brown again and wants everyone to know that he’s a really great guy who has a “fantastic heart” and who only hit her because he had anger issues. He’s also “giving and loving” – I’m assuming she meant that he loves to give bruises, but maybe not. Let me let this delusional broad speak for herself, here.
Via The Sun:
The songbird, who suffered a savage beating at his hands in 2009, stunned many by getting back together with him earlier this year.
And she stresses that Chris has changed dramatically in the intervening period.
She said: “It’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments any more. We talk about [stuff]. We value each other.”
“For a long time he was really angry… there’s so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life.
“He’s not the monster everyone thinks. He’s a good person. He has a fantastic heart.
“He’s giving and loving. And he’s fun to be around. That’s what I love about him — he always makes me laugh.”
She added that she was keen to start having babies, saying: “Hell yeah, but I wish I could order them.”
Okay, the weed has definitely dulled the last of Rihanna’s brain cells, that much is clear. First of all, she’s got it all wrong – I don’t think he’s a monster, I think he’s an animal that should be caged indefinitely, and I don’t really care how harsh that sounds. He’s violent, homophobic and generally horrendous, so I stick by that. Second of all, the only thing about Chris Brown that’s worth laughing at is the fact that Rihanna is stupid enough to believe all the nice shit she’s saying about him.