Have I ever told you that I used to stalk Lily Allen? And I don’t mean cyber-stalk either. Incidentally, she used to live right at the corner of my university campus in London, and one day after my classes were done I just stumbled upon her. That is, I stumbled upon a swarm of paparazzi chasing after her, and I stuck around to see if she would punch one of them or something. Tough luck. She disappeared into a black door instead, and I saw her coming in and out of it many a times afterwards. There was a café next door, and I used to strategically place myself at a table facing the entrance, my loaded camera in my lap. Unfortunately, every time Lily Allen happened to pass by, I froze in place and couldn’t bring myself to take her photograph. Once I even asked her permission, but she was in a crappy mood (she seems to have that tendency) and replied: “You’d rather not”, so I rather didn’t. Another time, I came very close to secretly snapping a picture – she went towards me at first, then changed direction and by the time I gathered the courage to aim and press the shutter, I could only capture the back of her head. I decided right then and there that I wouldn’t cut it as a paparazzo…
But I digress. That story happened many moons ago – after her blonde hair, after her pink hair, after she swore at Elton John on TV, after she sunbathed at Cannes topless and after her first miscarriage with The Chemical Brothers’ Ed Simons’s baby (who, no kidding, I also randomly met in person when we both happened to sit next to each other in the American Embassy in London while waiting for our visas to be issued). That was also before her second miscarriage and before her wedding that turned Lily Allen into Lilly Cooper. A lot has changed; instead of partying with Kate Moss, Lily tweets about prams now.
I’ll be honest with you. As a mother myself, I am very happy for Lily, but I can’t help feeling confused. I used to have a mild obsession with her when she was just this cute, chubby little girl who wore ghetto gold earrings and sneakers under shoulder-baring gowns in bright colors, and who made, er, music that I like to refer to as “minimal effort hum-singing”.
The real question is, what is going on with Lily at the moment? Is she still retired, or is she recording music again? The collaboration she did with P!nk was nothing to brag about, that Bridget Jones musical she was working on is still going nowhere and she doesn’t appear too enthusiastic about selling vintage clothes, either. Oh, oh, I’ve got it! I know what’s happening to Lily Allen. Motherhood! She has kids now, and I can understand all too well how that can put you in a bubble. But Lily, come on. Don’t be one of those women who, when asked what they do for a living, they answer: “I’m a mom.” Sure, you are a mom. Now take your shirt off and give us something to talk about.