Her getup, however, is actually pretty cute. Of course, there are a few things I’d tweak, or hey, even get rid of altogether. Here we go!:
—That cross necklace. Don’t get me wrong; religious jewelry is OK in my book. But when Lindsay Lohan wears it, I feel a hot flush climbing the skin of my neck and into my face like I’m going to burst into flame. Oh wait, no—Lindsay, not me. Plus, it just screams “Madonna!” and “I love the nineties, Courtney Love, wanna go watch The Craft and eat some SunChips??”
—The red nail polish. I think the last thing Lindsay needs to be doing with those grubby little talons of hers is draw any more attention to them. No good.
—Whatever that bag is (and I’m sure it probably costs more than I make in three months), it’s ugly. I don’t care if it is the byproduct of two of the hottest designers known to man and then sneezed on by platinum unicorns—it’s ugly as hell.
—The shoes, but only because I hate ankle booties. They might be perfectly OK as core piece of another ensemble, but this dress? Their stump-legged influence only ruins the effect of the rest of the outfit, which might otherwise be considered “lovely.”
—The pinprick pupils. They’re just scary, alright? They’re scary.