Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Megan Fox Thought Edward Cullen Knocked Her Up for Reals

photo of megan fox pregnant pictures

I was about two months pregnant. I was really sick. I was very nauseous. I had really bad morning sickness. It was so bad for me. I was convinced that I was, like, maybe birthing a vampire baby like the one in Twilight… you know what happens to Bella, where she’s in cold sweats all the time… and I felt like that was happening because I had no vitamins and nutrients and I was just nauseous. Something not human was happening. The first trimester was really rough and then I got to about 12 weeks and then it was fine. It was really a perfect pregnancy after that. I thought I was going to be tough and the nurses would be like, ‘She’s a warrior princess! She doesn’t need an epidural! She’s amazing! We’re such big fans! As soon as I got out of the car I was already crying for an epidural. I was asking the security guard for an epidural!’

Megan Fox on what it was like to birth a vampire baby by the name of Renesmee, and if all of that comparison is not silly enough for you, the comment about “something not human was happening” just might be. Because I mean, really, what? Getting pregnant is not human? OK, well yeah, maybe if you’re one of those aliens like in ‘The Faculty’ who are really just big, lumping bowls of gelatinous reptile ooze, but didn’t she realize that when a human penis spits at a human vagina, sometimes something biochemical happens and the result nests itself in the lady’s midsection? Or was she too busy putting her lip gloss on in health class that day?

Man. Just when I was starting to think she wasn’t a total twit, she had to go ahead and remind us about all of the dumb-ass things she used to say all the time before she got pregnant and dropped off the radar. Way to go, girl. Way to be.

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  • Megan is not the sharpest tool in the shed. That’s granted. But you have to admit that first time pregnancy side effects are anything but pleasant and compared to your natural state they do feel quite alien. Nausea is the least of it. Honestly, I didn’t dig being pregnant much – I couldn’t recognize my body. The second trimester was the best time for me too, but the first was super irritating with all the weird hunger and cravings and hormonal changes (not to mention itchy and peeling belly skin, and total lack of energy), and the third was just awful. I was getting enormous, oh my feet and my boobs and god, my poor back. Some women are great at carrying and birthing babies, some are not. I thought I’ll be fine – my hips are wide and there’s no history of problematic labor in my family. I thought I’ll pop this baby right out and I snubbed all the ladies who told me horror stories about their labor experiences. Turns out you can’t control what’s happening. I was feeling great emotionally, I was prepared, I went to the breathing classes and read a ton of literature online, but let me tell you, I sucked in giving birth. My body just didn’t work with me.

    I ended up in labor for 3 fuckin days, contractions too far apart but so intense and painful I was reduced to an usleless pile of sobs. I had the shots, finally asked for the epidural too, pushed for 3 full hours, and still had to have a c-section. It was terrible. The baby was just too damn big and I was too tired to cope with the pain by then.

    Anyways, my point is, Megan is a pretty woman who doesn’t shine with intelligence or brilliant acting skills, but when it comes to pregnancy and labor, that matters very little. In fact, I thought her asking the guard for an epidural was quite funny.

      • Haha, thanks, but it’s true when they say that you forget it all, regardless of how bad it was, when the baby is finally born. The exhilaration when you see your child for the first time wipes the memories like a magic wand. Yeah, your bones are in different places afterwards, the baby fat is frustrating, and what else not, but it’s totally worth it. Also, chances are that nothing even remotely like this will happen to you. When you are ready and you want it, it will be great.

        Unless, of course, you are with a vampire child, hahaha.

  • Why are you always hating on Megan Fox? Obviously, this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek!! She’s not serious about the vampire part, or the “not human” comment! She’s poking fun at herself! Good grief, woman.

  • I work in law enforcement and this young starlet came to the city for a convention. It was just after transformers came out. She emerged from a club downtown, jumped on top of a car & pissed on the windshield yelling “I’m in f***ing transformers bitch!” She was eventually removed from said vehicle & whisked away by her security guard promising she would be taken off the streets to go sleep it off. I’m glad to see motherhood had matured her & curbed (hopefully) some of her poorer decisions.

  • Yeah, I’m not sure I get where all the hate is coming from in this case. I thought her comment was pretty cute and definitely relatable. My personal experience with the symptoms of early pregnancy totally made me feel unhuman — I couldn’t sleep for shit, everything I ate made me vomit, every time I stood up I felt woozy and lightheaded. Awful!

  • Actually some of us that went through this however my friendship facing the white goddess in my bathroom 24/7 lasted into the sixth month.
    My son played football for months which was visible to others.
    The results were worth it … very active beautiful boy… even did a repeat and got a gorgeous daughter the second time.
    That nonsence that you forget the pain is BS!
    No my pregnancys were not typical.
    Wish I had thought of the vampire baby … my parents always blamed my childs mischief on my watching too many supernatural movies …lol

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