I was about two months pregnant. I was really sick. I was very nauseous. I had really bad morning sickness. It was so bad for me. I was convinced that I was, like, maybe birthing a vampire baby like the one in Twilight… you know what happens to Bella, where she’s in cold sweats all the time… and I felt like that was happening because I had no vitamins and nutrients and I was just nauseous. Something not human was happening. The first trimester was really rough and then I got to about 12 weeks and then it was fine. It was really a perfect pregnancy after that. I thought I was going to be tough and the nurses would be like, ‘She’s a warrior princess! She doesn’t need an epidural! She’s amazing! We’re such big fans! As soon as I got out of the car I was already crying for an epidural. I was asking the security guard for an epidural!’
—Megan Fox on what it was like to birth a vampire baby by the name of Renesmee, and if all of that comparison is not silly enough for you, the comment about “something not human was happening” just might be. Because I mean, really, what? Getting pregnant is not human? OK, well yeah, maybe if you’re one of those aliens like in ‘The Faculty’ who are really just big, lumping bowls of gelatinous reptile ooze, but didn’t she realize that when a human penis spits at a human vagina, sometimes something biochemical happens and the result nests itself in the lady’s midsection? Or was she too busy putting her lip gloss on in health class that day?
Man. Just when I was starting to think she wasn’t a total twit, she had to go ahead and remind us about all of the dumb-ass things she used to say all the time before she got pregnant and dropped off the radar. Way to go, girl. Way to be.