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5Lindsay Lohan Is Now Available for Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Oh my goodness, isn’t this exciting?! I’ve just started planning my own wedding! All I have so far is my ideal venue, my bridesmaids, colors (probably) and a date (tentatively). Basically, I’m turning out to be the worst at wedding planning, which actually isn’t all that surprising, seeing as how I’m the worst at regular planning.

But guys, now that I know that Lindsay Lohan, THE Lindsay Lohan, is now available to make appearances at weddings? Nothing else matters.

From Page Six:

Facing money woes, a staggering tax bill and alleged delinquency on her storage locker full of personal possessions, is Lindsay Lohan’s scrambling to make some cash?

A talent company claiming to represent the troubled actress wants us to know their client is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs.

Page Six received an email pitch from 123Talent with the subject line “Book One of Hollywood’s Biggest Movie Stars Lindsay Lohan Now!” offering us the opportunity to request the presence of Lohan herself at whatever event or venue.

In bright pink lettering, the email reminds us that “Not only is Lindsay an Actress but she is also a Fashion Designer, Model and Recording Artist.” Perhaps adding “Jail Bait” didn’t have much of a ring to it.

The email, which also includes a hastily photoshopped composite of the star, goes on to list all of Lohan’s film and television stints — even ones we’d rather forget — from “The Parent Trap” to “I Know Who Killed Me,” from “Life Size” to “Liz & Dick.”

We’ve reached out to Lohan’s rep and have not received an immediate response on the authenticity of the email.

If I slip her an extra dollar, do you think she could be our officiant?

December 17, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

5 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan Is Now Available for Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs”

  1. Junebug says:

    Those teeth ! Puke.

    • Mike says:

      That photo is from a while back. She had her teeth whitened after everyone freaked out about hers not being freakishly white like Regis’s.

      • pikki nikki polka pants says:

        she got caps put on all of ‘em too. or veneers or whatever… but yes, that photo of THOSE TEEF, it kills meh every time! *bleh*

  2. kimber says:

    I think for an extra dollar, you can get a topless lapdance. If, you know, you don’t mind smelling like vodka and cigarette smoke after.

  3. anotherfakeprincess says:

    Step 1: Request Lindsay Lohan. Paparazzi will come along.
    Step 2: Ask Courtney Stodden to perform at your wedding. If there’s a chance for her to run around in slutty clothes and have her picture taken around celebrities, that girl will take it.
    Step 3: Ask Heidi Montag to strip at your wedding. See Step 2 for details.
    Step 4: Ask LeAnn Rimes and Eddie to make out for the Paparazzi at your wedding.
    Step 5: Have the most amazing, most desperate, most amusing attention whore festival for a wedding.

    If you sell all the coke, meth, diet pills and stolen jewelery they will leave lying around, you might even make some money out of your wedding.

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