It’s good. I like it. But damn, guys. Ke$ha’s one of those chicks who you can never really tell whether or not she’s totally hot or totally trying too hard, but the more I hear about Ke$ha, the more I … wait, did you guys actually think I was going to say “the more I like her music”? Because gosh, hell no. Ke$ha’s music is complete crap, but she just might be a delightful lady to hang out and drink chai tea or something with. “The more I think like her” is what I was actually going to say.
If I type “Kesha” into my phone, it thinks I mean “Jesus”. Do you often get mistaken for the Messiah?
[Giggles] I know. Somebody is trying to tell you something.
If you were the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, would that be handy because you could be in three places at once?
That seems like a lot of responsibility. Just being a pop singer is quite enough.
Yeah, but if there were three of you, you could go to the shops, have your hair done and cook your tea all at the same time
Like if I cloned myself? I’m open to the idea of cloning myself, sure.
There’s a chance that God might be a woman. Let’s discuss that. Do you think God might be a woman?
I think God is whatever you want it to be. I was very much raised by hippies so God can be some man in the sky or God can be you, or God can be whatever you want it to be. I think it’s very personal and subjective.
It might make sense if God was a woman. “Moving in a mysterious way” is right up there with “If you don’t know what the problem is, I’m not going to tell you”.
Or maybe he’s just a really good dancer!
You recently said women should be able to sing about the same things as men.
Absolutely. Women can sing about the same things as men but we shouldn’t have to be put through such scrutiny and hellfire. Men sing about strippers, sex and drugs and it’s praised and glorified. When women sing about these things, we’re automatically demonised as sluts and drunks. It’s not true. Women can drink and get laid occasionally and it is equally as badass as if a man is doing it. (3)
Yeah yeah, but it’s been scientifically proven that women can’t read maps. If I give you a lift, are we going to end up driving in circles?
If I was in a car with you and you said that, I would punch you right in the balls.
Ouch! What are the general advantages of being a woman apart from being better at loading the dishwasher and doing the Hoovering?
OK. a) I can’t cook so there are no dishes in my household. And b) the main advantage of being a woman is that we run the world.
Any-hoo. You’ve also said you’d be prepared to sleep with Justin Bieber
I think every women on Earth should be prepared just in case the chance presents itself.
So if you and Justin Bieber were the last two people alive, would you be secretly looking forward to or secretly dreading having to repopulate the human race?
Of course I’d be pumped! If he was the last person on Earth, I’d want to get laid.
You’ve also admitted to having sex with a ghost. Eh?
It’s an energetic, spiritual, wild, magical, indescribable feeling.
If the Boogeyman came knocking with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine, would you put out?
The Boogeyman? Sure. I don’t discriminate.
Is it true you employ a roadie whose entire job description is to cover you with glitter?
He covers me in glitter and he’s also in charge of the glitter semi. I get bathed in glitter every day on tour.
Blimey. Er, how do I apply for that job?
Why not replace the glitter with those sprinkles you get on doughnuts and then if you get hungry, you have a tasty treat? Genius!
I never thought of that. I’ve glued all sorts of crazy shit to my face like watches and pieces of broken glass but never food.
How about a hot dog?
You asked your fans to send you their teeth, out of which you’ve made a bra. Do you need more teeth to make some matching pants? I could have a whip-round in the Guardian office with a pair of pliers if you like?
If anyone has any teeth they don’t need any more, I’d be more than happy to take them off your hands.
Aren’t you doing the Tooth Fairy out of a job?
No. I am the fucking Tooth Fairy!
Thanks, Ke$ha. Your last song was called Die Young. What would you do if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?
I’d probably walk down to the closest metal bar, make out with some dudes, and then I’d probably just hang out with my cat.
A total trip, right, guys?