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7Justin Bieber Balls—Get Your Justin Bieber Balls Here!

photo of justin bieber pictures balls pic
Did you ever wonder what the price of celebrity testicles would run you? No? Well you’re in luck, because if you ever happened to kidnap and castrate Justin Bieber, the going rate for a single ball is around $2,500.

The story claims that an imprisoned murder convict dispatched two of his outside henchmen to abduct, murder, and de-ball Justin Bieber at his recent Madison Square Garden appearance in New York City. The plot was blown open, and two men connected to the case were arrested and caught with pruning shears. The plan was to strangle both Bieber and his bodyguard with a tie (a paisley tie, in case you found that information to be relevant and necessary to start your day), and then proceed with the castration.

The price of $2,500 is, of course, assuming that Justin Bieber’s balls have dropped, because otherwise you’re just getting a bit of foreskin or something, and really, what’s that worth? A hundred bucks, maybe?

December 13, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

7 Responses to “Justin Bieber Balls—Get Your Justin Bieber Balls Here!”

  1. Monkey says:

    Wait…Justin Beaver has balls?

  2. puddin says:

    This is so messed up. Poor guy.

  3. Mike says:

    This story is definitely the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. No one was hurt, so I can laugh all I want. You left out a couple of the best parts though. It’s true that the henchmen were caught, but the reason it didn’t happen was that the guy who had the idea to do it squealed on his henchmen because apparently he decided at the last minute that the jewels just weren’t worth the trouble. He was all psyched about it, and then one day he woke up and he was like, “Eeeh, I dunno….” Also, I love that his henchmen were totally willing to commit the most horrible atrocities for a relative pittance. It’s as though they were so delighted at the idea of doing all this to Justin Bieber that money really didn’t mean anything to them. Sure being a henchman is a full-time job and henchmen have to pay for their kids’ braces and ballet lessons just like everybody else, but this particular job wasn’t about money. I’m surprised you didn’t try to do more with this. You spend half your time trying to make something out of nothing stories, and then you are given comedy gold and all we get is an okay version of the original story with a couple of good jokes.

  4. Jamey says:

    With the nutzo stories about Justin’s anatomy for far, far too long — it was only a matter of time before some psycho thought up this nightmare. I’m way say too old to be posting here, but if anyone with any sanity or decency has witnessed the absolute craziness that has been posted about this young man for way too long. It’s REALLY not funny. Check out the whackos on 4chan complete horror by all men of every persuasion.

  5. Jamey says:

    With the nutzo stories about Justin’s anatomy for far, far too long — it was only a matter of time before some psycho thought up this nightmare. {And jailbird with a sicko obsession about this young man – Creepy} I’m way too old to be posting here, but if anyone with any sanity or decency has witnessed the absolute craziness that has been posted about this young man for way too long. It’s REALLY not funny. Check out the whackos on 4chan complete horror by all men of every persuasion.

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