Well crap. I knew that it was only a matter of time before Kristen Stewart did something yucky-looking and totally greaseballesque that there’d be no way in hell I’d be able to support no matter how many backhanded compliments I’d saved up in the little artillery pile in my brain where basic math skills are supposed to exist, but here it is, and I wasn’t even expecting it.
This is what Kristen wore to the Variety Awards Studio in L.A., and the shoes, I get. They’re OK. I know that she often goes for the whole tomboy vibe, and she pulls it off well, so the shoes aren’t all that bad. I actually think my husband has the same pair, maybe. The pants aren’t all that great. They’re actually similar to a pair that I used to wear back in the fifth grade, and no, I didn’t go to a private school, I just happened to (and still do) like plaid. But these pants, no. No, the only place I’d be wearing these pants would be is to bed. The shirt’s just whatever, too. It’s nothing any different than what I wear underneath my sweatshirts and cardigans on the regular. Go nuts, girl. Do your thing. The watch, though? The watch that’s halfway up her damn arm? That’s just stupid. I don’t even understand that, and there’s no rational amount of justifying its existence and placement through my sometimes-rampant Kristen love.
And the hair. Don’t even get me started on that shit. I feel like if she turns around, it’s going to be a big old rat’s nest of snarls a la former Britney-weave. DON’T TURN AROUND, KRISTEN. It’s also as greasy as all get out. I get the whole natural, lovely, day-after-you-shampoo look, because oftentimes, my hair looks better the second day before washing, but this is just gross. This hair doesn’t scream “Natural!”, it screams “Putrid stench!” It screams … well, it screams:
And that about sums up everything with this picture. I can’t even say anymore.