Hey, Jessica Biel. Guess what, girl? You still suck at dressing, and while this particular infraction isn’t as bad as that Blanche Deveraux-getup thing you wore to one of the ‘Hitchcock’ premieres, it’s still pretty bad. Why? Well, let me clue you in: your dress looks like a big, charred vagina. That’s right. It looks like you took a blowtorch to your vulva and laughed maniacally while the delicate folds of pretty pink skin sizzled like sausages, crackled like a chip bag, puckered like a prune, and finally contorted itself into a former shell of itself, chiseled from carbon.
Does that about cover it?