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10Jessica Biel: Still Really Bad at Dressing

photo of jessica biel pictures
Hey, Jessica Biel. Guess what, girl? You still suck at dressing, and while this particular infraction isn’t as bad as that Blanche Deveraux-getup thing you wore to one of the ‘Hitchcock’ premieres, it’s still pretty bad. Why? Well, let me clue you in: your dress looks like a big, charred vagina. That’s right. It looks like you took a blowtorch to your vulva and laughed maniacally while the delicate folds of pretty pink skin sizzled like sausages, crackled like a chip bag, puckered like a prune, and finally contorted itself into a former shell of itself, chiseled from carbon.

Does that about cover it?

November 21, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Biel

10 Responses to “Jessica Biel: Still Really Bad at Dressing”

  1. Harriet Meadow says:

    OK, so normally I think you’re too hard on her, but WTF. She looks like a manta ray.

  2. Pique says:

    Haha when I saw the pic I thought VAGINA! and then I read the text.

  3. Felix Lee says:

    I think your description is just about right. Or like what Harriet said, it does look like a manta ray. But it shouldn’t be on a dress. Bad choice, Jessica Biel.

  4. Chaz says:

    Charred vag….crispy cooter doodles? I’m astonished you didn’t mention the awesome side boob…

  5. kimcheee says:

    I LOVE that this beautiful woman sucks at dressing. How refreshing! NO ONE else has this niche cornered! Justin could dress her…..he’s the one with taste and style in that pairing. I bet Jessica is very interesting and can talk about anything – except fashion.

  6. toonsis says:

    she always looks sad.

  7. Holy Sh*t says:

    The top of that dress looks too much like vagina parts. Not cool.

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