I know, it seems strange, but it totally makes sense. I had a kidney infection last winter, and my mom called me and said “hey, I heard you were on heroin.” And if you think about it, I’m sure the last time you got the flu you heard some whispers about your problem with meth. This happens all the time, and it’s no different with famous people. How often do we suspect some celebrity has a major booze problem when really they’re just suffering from exhaustion?
In case you couldn’t tell, I’m taking back that nasty rumor I told you yesterday, the one about how Charlie Sheen is smoking crack and playing with hookers again. It’s definitely, definitely not true. And you might have heard an additional rumor that Charlie is in the hospital to deal with his issues with drugs. That’s also not true. Because he just has an ear infection.
I know, the warning signs that someone is smoking crack and the symptoms of an ear infection are very similar. And I know that the physical action of smoking crack can look a whole lot like dealing with the agony of a real bad ear infection. But I’m here to clear it up for you: no crack, no cocaine. Just ear infections.