So probably I’m going to have to get Taylor Swift‘s new album when it comes out in just two short weeks. Not because I love the music or anything, because I really don’t, but just because I love ragging on her so much, and I feel like it would be a real shame to let all this new material just pass me by.
Like, ok, we’ve already heard “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” and that was a lot of fun, right? We got to guess who the song was about, because, as we all know, Taylor is incapable of writing a song that’s not about a boy, usually a boy that’s done her wrong. And then we got to hear “Red,” which was all about how Taylor Swift has a rainbow of emotions inside of her heart. But guys, there’s a lot more songs! And I’m going to show you the official tracklist:
1. State Of Grace
2. Red
3. Treacherous
4. I Knew You Were Trouble.
5. All Too Well
6. 22
7. I Almost Do
8. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
9. Stay Stay Stay
10. The Last Time
11. Holy Ground
12. Sad Beautiful Tragic
13. The Lucky One
14. Everything Has Changed
15. Starlight
16. Begin Again
“Treacherous”? “I Knew You Were Trouble”? “Sad Beautiful Tragic”? These are all titles of songs that I wrote for my Taylor Swift parody band! This is such bullshit!
Nah, you know I’m pumped. And hey, that very last song, “Begin Again,” is one of the bonus tracks. What do you think the chances are that that one’s about Conor Kennedy, and she threw it on there at the very last minute to make him feel better about the fact that she has an entire album of songs dedicated to John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal?