I almost titled this story “January Jones Parks in Specially Designated Parking Spots Meant for People Who Have Trouble or Can’t Walk Because She Is Dumb And Also Very Inconsiderate,” but that sounded like a mouthful and that headline would probably be longer than the story itself. Which, if you couldn’t tell by now, is all about how January Jones parked in a handicap spot to pick up her dry cleaning.
Listen. I don’t care if there aren’t any other parking spots nearby. I don’t care if you’re just going to be in there for a minute. I don’t care if you stubbed your toe and it really hurts, or if you’re in a hurry, or if it’s not that big a deal, god. If you can walk, please take the time to acknowledge that there are other people who can’t, and that their needs are more important than your convenience.
I know it’s not the most important issue plaguing the world today, but it’s just irritating, you know? You know what else is irritating? How society crams it down your throat that you shouldn’t be such a fatty fat gross awful fat fatty, but when you try to find cute clothes to work out in, all you can find are pants in sizes small, extra small, and You’ll Never Fit Your Ass into These Ever. AND ANOTHER THING. You know how when ladies work out, they usually wear sports bras, but ladies who are super busty need special sports bras to contain all the extra stuff going on up there? Is there an ass equivalent to that? Like, is there something I can get to stop my ass from moving so much when I’m trying to move? I know I need to get some compression shorts (thanks, Sarah!), but is there like a special kind that can keep me contained? Because there’s a lot going on down there. Like, I have Kim Kardashian‘s proportions, only plus sized. It’s serious.
And that’s how you hijack your own story, friends. But man, that January Jones. What a bitch.