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January Jones Is Too Important for Regular Parking Spots

A photo of January Jones

I almost titled this story “January Jones Parks in Specially Designated Parking Spots Meant for People Who Have Trouble or Can’t Walk Because She Is Dumb And Also Very Inconsiderate,” but that sounded like a mouthful and that headline would probably be longer than the story itself. Which, if you couldn’t tell by now, is all about how January Jones parked in a handicap spot to pick up her dry cleaning.

Listen. I don’t care if there aren’t any other parking spots nearby. I don’t care if you’re just going to be in there for a minute. I don’t care if you stubbed your toe and it really hurts, or if you’re in a hurry, or if it’s not that big a deal, god. If you can walk, please take the time to acknowledge that there are other people who can’t, and that their needs are more important than your convenience.

I know it’s not the most important issue plaguing the world today, but it’s just irritating, you know? You know what else is irritating? How society crams it down your throat that you shouldn’t be such a fatty fat gross awful fat fatty, but when you try to find cute clothes to work out in, all you can find are pants in sizes small, extra small, and You’ll Never Fit Your Ass into These Ever. AND ANOTHER THING. You know how when ladies work out, they usually wear sports bras, but ladies who are super busty need special sports bras to contain all the extra stuff going on up there? Is there an ass equivalent to that? Like, is there something I can get to stop my ass from moving so much when I’m trying to move? I know I need to get some compression shorts (thanks, Sarah!), but is there like a special kind that can keep me contained? Because there’s a lot going on down there. Like, I have Kim Kardashian‘s proportions, only plus sized. It’s serious.

And that’s how you hijack your own story, friends. But man, that January Jones. What a bitch.

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  • my boyfriend is disabled and can’t walk too far. I can’t tell you how much stuff like this pisses me off.

  • I feel you. Went into H&M the other day and all their work out clothes are tight fitting to say the least. Like, the tops are either like a second skin or a glorified bra. Fuck going to the gym in that. They only have these loose yoga pants which anyway are so long I look like a hobbit in them. So yeah, no. As for January Jones, she’s a fucking twat for doing that. Disrespectful as everything. Went into H&M and the disabled dressing room was the only one free, and the girls in the queue after me laughed at me for not wanting to use it. I was rather angry.

  • What’s beyond me is why a celebrity would do such a thing, knowing that Emily and Sarah are out there watching…

  • GIRL! LOL! I so feel you on the workout clothes. I ranted and raved about this same thing not that long ago. And on top of that (the sizing) why is workout gear SO expensive??? Why is a sports bra (that actually fits my large chest correctly, not the lameass “bras” for those with a B cup and below) $40??? Y’all want the fatty fat fat (lol) people to work out? Stop charging an obscene amount for clothing just to do so! GOD!

  • Totally agree about the workout gear! I did get a nice sports bra at Nordstroms awhile back, that was solid and contained the girls from over-bouncing. But yes, it was costly. Crapweasels.