Oh, you guys, I just gave myself a serious case of the giggles. See, Adam Levine just did an interview with Inked magazine, and he said some pretty douchey things. I know, I know, what a shocker. But I want to talk specifically about what he had to say about music critics. Here’s the quote:
“Music critics are all f-cking idiots. There’s obviously a certain balance between pursuing an audience and pursuing what you love to do, but I love what we do. I would never put out a record I didn’t want to listen to.”
And then I thought to myself, “huh, I wonder what music critics have had to say about Maroon 5.” And then I went on a wonderful adventure.
I found a review for the band’s new album, Overexposed, on CNN that claims that in the new songs, “Maroon 5 barely sound like a band at all.” Adam’s voice is “processed into a kind of high, disaffected whine, like a male Rihanna or an android castrato.” As for the songwriting, “Overexposed‘s self-aware title is just about the strongest wordcraft on the album.” Snap, CNN. Snap.
But then I dug a little deeper, and I found that Hollywood had already assembled a list of the five harshest Maroon 5 reviews. It’s pretty glorious:
From The Washington Post: “Overexposed is a hit-seeking missile that doesn’t just slaughter Maroon 5’s reputation for sincerity, it festoons its corpse with glitter, hairspray and Hello Kitty Stickers.”
From News OK: “Once a real live band whose humanity, however glossy it might have been, could be verified by its mostly organic sound, Maroon 5 now appears to have converted into a silicone simulacrum of its former self with Overexposed, a collection of faceless android pop guaranteed to sound exactly like all the songs sequenced around it on Top 40 radio.”
From the Independent: “Another word for the color ‘maroon’ is ‘plum.’ The sooner this bunch of plums fade back into obscurity, the better.”
From NME: “Why are Maroon 5 still the MOR mavens you can’t defend to your mates? Because Adam Levine still sings like Sting with blue balls.”
From UltimateGuitar.com: “If (like me) you thought that it was virtually impossible for an act as shamelessly commercial as Maroon 5 to ‘sell out,’ think again.”
Man, what a bunch of f-cking idiots, huh, Adam?