Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Snooki Is Going to Be A Great Mom

A photo of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

“I’ll be having sex in my dream and when I wake up, I’m actually having sex. Jionni’s like, doing it with me as I’m sleeping. I read your baby can feel your orgasm. What does he think it is? Does he see, like rainbows and unicorns? The baby is probably horny. That little creep. [During sex] he’s probably like, ‘Yeah, Mommy!’”

And just in case that wasn’t enough to assure you that Snooki here is going to be an outstanding mom, let me show you the plan that she’s already formed for when she’s able to get wasted again:

“Me and Jionni have made a rule: If we’re hungover or if we’ve had two drinks, we’re not going near the child. We’ll give him to Grandma. God forbid we drop our baby! I don’t regret my partying or getting blacked out. It was awesome! But now it’s time to be a parent.”

I’m glad that Snooki is saying that she’s not going to drink while she’s taking care of her baby, but does anyone else get the feeling that this just means that her mom will be taking care of little Lorenzo all the time? Like I feel like Snooki will call her mom a few times a week and say “hey Ma, I’m almost to the end of margarita number two, you better come grab Enzo, BITCH!” Because that’s how Snooki talks, right?

And as for the first quote about orgasms and rainbows and unicorns … I can’t. I’m sorry, but I just can’t. It’s too early to analyze that.

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