Ahem. By the numbers, now, shall we?
:32 (this is going to be a long one, guys). Already I want to kill myself. How am I going to make it through the remaining four-plus minutes? Pack it in and hold on folks.
:55. Who are the wannabe-Kardashians? And why would anyone WANT to be a Kardashian?
1:11. KIM. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.
1:18. Scott Disick is officially an embarrassment to all white men ’round the world.
1:22. KIM. WE KNOW IT’S YOU. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.
1:27. Weird Kardashian brother. Stop pretending that you don’t want to hump Kim’s ass, weird Kardashian brother.
1:33. MY EYES! I’M F-CKING BLIND! BLIND! BLIND!!!!!!!!
2:12. … Still recovering. And only Kim Kardashian would spray tan in the Dominican Republic.
2:27. Told you it was Kim’s ass.
2:40. “Have sex on rugs that’s Persian.” Let me guess: YOU’RE PERSIAN, KIM, AREN’T YOU.
3:15. One of those Jenner girls probably has skin cancer today.
3:16. … And Bruce Jenner was definitely about to slap her ass.
3:22. Wait. Where’s Khloe and Lamar?
3:56. Why can’t this ship just sink?
4:13. Wait. Kourtney’s water just broke? LIARS.
4:17. Kris Jenner is really classy spouting “motherf-cker” all over the place.
And that, guys? Is how you get shit done on a Sunday morning. Dear God.