Today's Evil Beet Gossip

‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ Has a Red Band Trailer For a Scary, Scary Reason

And the scary, scary reason I’m talking about isn’t for graphic vampire violence (because come on. Can we really get more graphic than Bella Swan’s vampire birthing scene? NO. The answer to that is indubitably ‘no’), the scary, scary reason is because the MPAA is running out of reasons to slap “red-band” on trailers, so now they’re just putting names into a hat and drawing them at random. This month, it happened to be ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’, a movie that I still insist should not be made. But it’s too late. And now we have this to contend with, along with a slew of middle-aged history-buff men who’ll flock to see this movie and hope that it’s historically accurate and then they’ll squawk when it’s not.

All in all, this trailer is horrid, the movie premise is horrid, and somewhere deep, deep inside of me, I think that this still might be a joke, but I’d probably be wrong about that.

From the Chicago Tribune:

The gruesome and graphic trailer features an ax-wielding Abe (Benjamin Walker) on a mission to avenge his mother’s death and save the U.S. from being overtaken by the undead bloodsuckers.

The historical fiction-action flick is an adaptation of the novel by author Seth Grahame-Smith, who revamped Jane Austen with “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”

“Wanted” director Timur Bekmambetov helms the film, which is produced by Tim Burton, whose own campy vampire film “Dark Shadows” is currently in theaters.

Oh, God, Tim Burton has his name in this mess? I’d say “I should have known,” but there’s just no way I could have. It wasn’t at all expected. To have Tim Burton endorse such a gigantic piece of crap? My mind is fully blown.

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