I know. I had to take a breath and regroup for a minute, too, because I almost died from the shock I went into when I saw that Ashley Olsen wasn’t wearing Grandma’s sweater while smoking a cigarette, sucking down a half-caff capp, and trudging down the streets of New York City with sunglasses that make her look like a large praying mantis.
Also, have you ever really seen her smile beyond that insipid, knowing, coy, and downright condescending little smirk that she normally gives during photo shoots and interviews? Because this is unbelievable! She looks cute and approachable … and much, much like Michelle a la ‘Full House’. Which I am, of course, loving.
While Ashley’s not doing things like hooking up with Johnny Depp (disappointing), she is doing normal, real-person things like swimming. In the ocean. Where, you know, fish pee and stuff. BOURGEOIS fish who would probably clothes shop somewhere fourth-rate if they were people and not fish, because I hear that fish are POOR and NOT AT ALL IN-THE-KNOW about things like fashionable labels and creepy twin designers and the $3,900 backpacks created by said twin designers that are apparently a necessity for some people like Jessica Biel. Scuzzy, scrubby fish. Ugh. How do they even function in life?