Today's Evil Beet Gossip

What Does Courtney Stodden Do All Day?

Really, what does she do? Does she have business meetings with her mom where they discuss what activity she could do while wearing a bikini next? Does she spend time scouring the internet and making notes of special holidays and their dates so she can be sure to do an appropriately themed photo shoot? Does she have a support group that she attends for people who are sexually attracted to vegetables?

I kind of don’t think so. I think Courtney spends the vast majority of her time doing stupid shit like this. I think she wakes up, puts on a bikini, begs Doug to take her to Target or whatever, and then twiddles her thumbs and applies self tanner until she comes up with enough words that start with the same letter to make a coherent thought to share with Twitter or an idea for another dumb video, just like this one.

Also, when I was in middle school, all the grown ups made a Very Big Deal about how you were not ever, ever supposed to see how many marshmallows you could fit in your mouth because you could die. So on top of being raw, racy, and ravenous, Courtney’s also being just plain reckless. Were those ten marshmallows worth it, Courtney?

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