Normally I’d be all giddy and giggly, saying something along the lines of “Ooh, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” or something equally corny as hell, but guys.
It’s not funny. Because do you see how desperate Katy Perry is? Oh my God she’s so desperate. At first glance, all you can really do is look at the voluptuous, fleshy mound that she calls her tit, and you’re kind of mesmerized. Katy Perry’s got a great rack, after all, and even a “Whoops!” almost-boob-slip is fodder for at least fourteen minutes’ worth of fantasy, right? Sure. But after you come back, look at the strap on her arm. The strap that’s not all “Oh no! I’m an ill-fitting strap that’s all stretched out and barely hanging on I’m so limp,” it’s all, “Look at me—Katy Perry wanted to have her name in headlines tomorrow, so she pulled me down and even though I’m really straining against her upper arm, you’re supposed to be distracted and not even notice that this was intentional. THIS ISN’T EVEN COMFORTABLE FOR ME.” And folks, it almost got me. Almost!
Let’s take another look at this, shall we?:
There. Now that we can step back and get some perspective on the situation, it’s glaringly obvious that Katy Perry’s staging her own publicity stunts. Are you shocked? You shouldn’t be shocked. This is the down-home Christian girl that married—and divorced—Russell Brand all in a year’s time. Nothing about this twit should shock you.
Except for her boobs. Maybe her boobs should shock you. Because even though she’s a total f-cking moron, she’s got boobs for days, and I don’t think even we here at Evil Beet could withstand the sheer velocity of them if they ever did come tumbling out of the top of her dress.