Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Courtney Stodden’s Sexy Vegetable Videos

Sometimes I just don’t know, you guys. It’s Courtney Stodden, 17-year-old trophy wife (???) and PETA supporter. She made two videos about how “veggies are sexy,” and then she put them on YouTube. And now I’m sharing them with you.

First of all, that cucumber is not sexy. It’s delicious, because it’s a cucumber, but don’t think I don’t get what Courtney’s implying. She’s implying that she’s going to insert the cucumber into her lady parts. And that is not sexy, that is terrifying. That cucumber could impale someone. It is not physically possible for that cucumber to be sexy.

Second of all, I just can’t with those faces. And that armband. And the porn music. Ugh.

But wait! Tomatoes can be sexy too!

I can see what she was trying to say about the cucumber, but why is this tomato supposed to be sexy? Seriously, what are you supposed to do with that? And yes, I realize that I’m trying to start a serious discussion about using produce as sex toys, but I think we’re at this point in our relationship, don’t you?

And, just in case that wasn’t enough Courtney Stodden for you (I know, I know, it will never be enough), she was also kind enough to make a video of herself jumping rope in slow motion for 45 seconds:

Was the stuffed bunny on the floor as disturbing for you as it was for me?

And, speaking of disturbing, Courtney Stodden made a video just for her one true love, Doug Hutchison, and it looks like those crappy fan videos of Buffy and Angel or Ron and Hermione that I totally never watched in high school:

Well, I think I’ve left you with enough to do for the rest of the day. Keep this in mind when you’re going to the grocery store later, and also when you’re going to bed tonight. It’s what Courtney would want.

12 CommentsLeave a comment

  • 1) This girl has waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on her hands.

    2) I think I figured the tomato sitch out….maybe it reminded her of a mini-weener with a big ball. Soooooo smexy. =/

  • God she’s hideous. This clip makes me want to go carnivore exclusively. E coli makes vegetables more appealing than her beat ass face. There is nothing attractive or genuine about her personality or mannerisms. The adults who encourage this behavior should be arrested. Blow up dolls are more interesting and verbose than this girl.

  • Well, it’s very late and I’m kind of high, but Doug is freaking me out. Those hats, those awful hats. I want to mash his head with a brick.

  • I… can’t… what the fuck did I just watch? Who would film themselves skipping in slow motion? Have you noticed how she says exactly the same stuff on the two videos about going vegetarian? Why does she pout? Has he always looked like a creep, or is this effect multiplied when he’s standing next to her? Am I going to be able to sleep tonight?

  • A lizard that looks like a prostitute with nude lipstick, fake tits and polyester hair telling me how “sexy” vegetables are??! No thanks. At least the Geico lizard changes up his messages; oh, and can dance…. (I think I need to go shower)

  • Does being a vegetarian cause you to turn that color? Because that is not a human color. I just want to send her to a shower then a convent.

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