Ew. Seriously, all I’ve really got to say about all this is f-cking ‘ew’. Why do attractive women seem to gravitate toward this tool? Is it the accent he pulled off on That 70’s Show? Is it his smoldering brown eyes? Does he have a gigantor crank? It’s got to be that last thing I said, because his accent in That 70’s Show was damn creepy, his eyes are beady, cold, and calculating, and the only thing that might actually redeem this guy is if he had a gigantor crank. And I’m talking a gigantor crank. But even then, folks. Even then. I wouldn’t be seen in public with this guy if my life depended on it. Nope. I’d bang him in secret, deny, deny, deny, and ride the fun ’til I got sick of it. Then I’d move on – unceremoniously; like, I’d just start sleeping with someone way more prolific and important and not even return his calls – because this guy’s a skeeve with a funny-shaped head and he deserves to be treated like that.
Why these lovely ladies all feel the need to romanticize this cretin is one of the world’s big mysteries, right up there with how the pyramids were made and what the f-ck Lindsay Lohan injects into those liver-lips of hers.
Does he kiss you with his eyes wide open, too, girl?
Minka Kelly-Wilmer Valderrama images courtesy of our partner, Lainey Gossip.