Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Charlize Theron Has a Sex Tape

Here’s a little something-something to cap your night off: Charlize Theron‘s “exclusive” “leaked sex tape” just for you!

Courtesy of Funny or Die, Charlize stars in her own spoof of a sex tape. And it’s probably one of the best celebrity sex tapes I’ve ever seen, especially when compared to Kim Kardashian‘s or Paris Hilton‘s. If you can’t watch the video, I’ll give you the blow-by-blow – no pun intended.

The video opens with Charlize telling her boyfriend that she hopes no one sees the tape, and that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton should “move over,” because she’s into some real kinky shit. A CD is put on, featuring the chanting sounds of Gregorian monks (at least that’s what I think they are), and two men on a bed in full bondage attire are shown. Charlize speaks in a guttural grunts, and … and then it’s over. It’s funny, yeah, but it’s also kind of disturbing, and I don’t mean it in a good way.

Just … I don’t know. Just watch the video and you’ll see what I mean. I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight, I think.

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