Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Snooki: Mother of The Year?

A photo of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Can anyone explain to me why the entire world isn’t more entranced with the idea of Snooki being pregnant? Like, when I first read about it, I was shocked. I thought the celebrity gossip world would be all Snooki, all the time, for at least a good few weeks, and I thought that everyone I told would be just as stunned as I was. But I was wrong. I really haven’t seen that much about Snooki after the big announcement, and everyone I told had this half-interested expression of “oh, really?” WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT THE STATE OF SNOOKI’S WOMB?!

Wait, I need to take that one back, because, besides myself, someone does deeply care about Snooki’s womb, and that, thankfully, is Snooki herself:

Snooki is in the midst of a MAJOR transformation … from a sloppy, smooshy drunken idiot … to a RESPONSIBLE mom-to-be who’s taking her pregnancy very seriously … TMZ has learned.

Sources close to the MTV star tell us … ever since Snooki discovered she was with child she quit drinking, quit screwing around … and has convinced the people around her that she could develop into “mother of the year.”

We’re told Snooki comes from a loving family … she’s very close with her mom … and she completely understands what it takes to become a responsible mother.

The timing of Snooki’s pregnancy couldn’t have worked out better … ’cause we’re told the premise of her upcoming “Jersey Shore” spin-off reality show with Jwoww is “the last hurrah.”

Sources connected to the production tell us the show will follow the girls as they transition into adulthood … move into an adult apartment … and take some serious adult steps with their boyfriends.

We’re told the boyfriends will not have starring roles on the show … but the relationships will be “key.”

As for Snooki, we’re told she has no plans to marry her BF … yet … even though he’s most likely the baby daddy.

You know, I think Snooki could actually be a good mom, in the “A for effort” sense. I think she’ll try really hard and she’ll mean well, but, bless her heart, she’s just not that bright. Lord knows I love her, but let’s be real, she’s about as sharp as a marble. She’s a few clowns short of a circus. That is to say, she fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. I could definitely see her filling a baby bottle full of tequila, or … I don’t know, something involving dirty diapers. Would she maybe taste a little poop? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I’m sure it says something that I feel the need to ask about it.

Is anybody as enthralled by this pregnancy as I am?

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Has it actually been confirmed by Snooki or her rep that she is in fact pregnant? I feel like until I see that it’s not true, I still refuse to believe it is more than a publicity stunt to keep her name in the tabs. I could be wrong. Snooki having a child is almost as frightening to me as people voting for Rick Santorum, almost.

  • Well, I can definitely see her giving her baby a bottle 1/2 water and 1/2 Red Bull….because, you know, it’s a baby not a grown person.