Ha ha, but really. In all seriousness, I’m thinking of taking up a collection so that we can get Lindsay Lohan some quality bras. She never wears any because she spends all her money on coke, right? And I don’t want to reward that behavior, but I also don’t want to keep looking at Lindsay’s floppy titties all the time. I’m thinking we’ll pull together some funds on PayPal or something, and one of you out west can take Lindsay to the Victoria’s Secret or what have you, and make sure that she gets the support she needs. Not for her mental health issues, but for her boobs. Sound good?
And no, I’m not done talking about Lindsay Lohan’s breasts.
I’ve always been a busty girl too. I had to wear a training bra in second grade, which led to one of my favorite nicknames the assholes at my school gave me: Big Boob Girl. Ah, kids. But I kept on wearing that bra, and by the time I was 10, I moved right on to my first A cup, which lasted until I was 12, when I moved up to a B. They kept on growing through middle school and high school, and until I was around 21, the only time I ever took my bra off was to take a shower. I couldn’t imagine going into public without one on, and I certainly couldn’t imagine doing a photo shoot without one. To be fair though, that very last part is probably more about Lindsay being a meth mouthed floozy than anything else.
But that’s why these new pictures, a series of photographs that Lindsy did with Terry Richardson, really got to me. These pictures hurt, don’t they? I don’t get how she can ever be comfortable when she’s running around everywhere with her breasts flopping every which way. Does she think it looks sexy? Because I don’t think it does. I think it looks painful and awkward and like you need to put yourself together before you start your day.
Oh, and I looked at all these pictures pretty hard, and I don’t think there are any photos of actual nipple, but if you manage to spot one, go ahead and holler so I can fix that, all right? Also, here’s an extra little game for you: see if you can spot Marilyn Monroe! She’s in there somewhere!
Images courtesy of Terry Richardson’s Diary