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75 Couples We Wish Would Split Up

photo of vanessa paradis and johnny depp breaking up pics
No, no – we don’t wish that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis would snap it off (generally). But in light of all of the lost love in the world, we decided to compile a list of 5 couples that we wish the ultimate demise upon: the big breakup. What with Seal and Heidi Klum calling it quits, and Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis (and, of course, you can’t forget – sniff, sniff – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries), we thought it prudent to really stick it to those who deserve it, rather than those who should just be together for the rest of their lives for the public’s sake.

In no particular order, The List:

#5 – Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchison pictures photos breakup
OK, no one’s going to disagree with me on this one, right? Their relationship, frankly speaking, is weird and unnatural and honestly, pretty damn gross. Not that I, you know, sit around and fantasize about celebrities having sex (I do have other things to do, my friends), but even trying to think about these two in the sack takes my appetite away. And that’s a hard, hard thing to do these days, guys.

#4 – Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes
photo of ryan gosling and eva mendes breakup pics
Because, duh. Who wants to continue seeing these two sucking face all over chic European countries and West Coast bistros? Not this girl, that’s for damn sure. Ryan needs to go back to his roots of down-home sweetness and women with genteel manners and … I don’t know, f-cking hoop skirts or something. Eva Mendes is just not where all that is at.

#3 – Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
photo of jennifer aniston and justin theroux breakup pics
I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me that Jennifer only dates a high-ish profile man is when she’s in the throes of promoting one of her films. As far as I know, she doesn’t have anything important coming down the line as of yet, so I fully expect these two to completely drop off the radar sometime in 2012. Plus, Jennifer Aniston is just (more) annoying (than usual) when she’s dating anyone, really. Sorry, girl, but some people just aren’t meant to be.
*Image courtesy of Celebuzz

#2 – Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
photo of jennifer lopez and casper smart dating pictures photos breakup
Again, I don’t want to wish ill upon anyone and their, you know, “true love that transcends age, generation, and backup dancer syndrome,” but this is just silly. I realize that J. Lo is a big girl and can string along a young kid if she wants, throwing money at him all the while like she’s the female P. Diddy, but they’ve only been dating for something like weeks now and I’m already sick of hearing about them. Go and celebrate and get married and disappear forever, guys, or break the hell up and get off my mind.

#1 – Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick
photo of kourtney kardashian and scott disick pictures photos breakup pic
I don’t know, is it in poor taste to wish relational demise upon a woman who’s expecting a child? I don’t think so, considering who she’s with. I’m not a big Kardashian-lover as it is, but if there’s anyone who’s bad news, it’s the American Psycho-looking Scott Disick, who always seems to be just one mildly angry outburst away from relapsing into full-blown alcoholism and mirror-smashing. You wanna raise your kiddos around a ticking time-bomb, Kourt? I sure wouldn’t.

What about you guys – anyone in Hollywood you’d like to see cut their ties this year? Anyone on this list you hope lasts, you know, forever and ever?

January 24, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

7 Responses to “5 Couples We Wish Would Split Up”

  1. kathy says:

    i’ll actually disagree with you on kourtney and scott. he really seems to be working at it, and anytime i see them with mason i just get all soft. not pervy. until he throws another las vegas tantrum, and then i hope kourtney will call strike 3.

    also, i heart jen. and at least when she’s in a relationship there seems to be a little less brad speculation. and i truly hope he is stuck with angie for eternity. ugh.

  2. ahole says:

    May I ask why YOU want ryan and eva to split up? Oh wait bcs ryan is this fine white man with white women drooling over him but he chose a hot latina right? GTFH

    • kathy says:

      oooooooooo geez. no, because if he is not gonna be with us (crazy fan girls of ANY race) then he damn well better give us our “notebook” ending with rachel mcadams. you new here?

  3. katie says:

    I love Scott Disick, sans alcohol fueled out bursts. He is hilarious, caring and a great dad. It’s crazy how opinions change but I think he is a perfect match for high strung Courtney, he lets her get her way but has enough self confidence to make it all work. Also, I hate that I know/care about things like this.

  4. saaaaaaaaam says:

    AHAHAHAHAHA. At least you are ashamed.

  5. crab says:

    I heart Jen too! You really don’t hear anything about her and Justin lately! I would love to see Brad & Angelina break up so I can watch all the Brangaloonies self destruct, haha that would be awesome!!

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