Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan Is So Boring, Is Doing “Very Well” with Her Probation

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

Today, Lindsay Lohan went to court so that everyone could check in on how she’s been doing with her probation. There were no “f*ck you” manicures, and there were no tears. Lindsay just showed up, on time, even, and everyone told her what a great job she was doing going to the morgue every now and then and not getting busted with cocaine. Then she said “thanks, y’all!” and left. That’s all.

From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan just got a rave review from Judge Stephanie Sautner during her probation progress report hearing this morning — after completing all of her required community service on time … so far.

Judge Sautner gushed that Lindsay’s probation officer had written a glowing probation report. Sautner added, “Keep doing what you’re doing. You appear to be doing very well.”

Lindsay is due back in court on February 22nd, by which date she is required to complete 15 additional days of community service at the morgue and 5 more therapy sessions.

If Lindsay stays on track — like she’s been doing — her probation will end on March 29th.

Even her clothes were boring! There wasn’t even any latex! It was just some gross old completely appropriate ensemble! What is happening?!

I’m not saying that I want Lindsay to be snorting coke in front of the judge or anything like that, but at least something, you know? Like throw me a bone here, Lindsay. Flash your nipple, anything.

Oh, wait, there was something interesting that happened? I’ll take it!

Lindsay Lohan got SERVED with a lawsuit on her way into court this morning … by an apparently delusional man who believes he played a role in the killing of Osama bin Laden.

TMZ has obtained a copy of the suit, filed in L.A. County Superior Court  … which is essentially 12 pages of incomplete, incoherent gibberish.

From what we gather, the man who filed the claim, Thomas A. Green, alleges Lohan communicated with him via Facebook and led him to believe she would participate in a dot-com business he wanted to create.

It appears Green feels he was duped … and when he pressed Lohan about her true intentions, he uncovered a conspiracy about the killing of Bin Laden.

In his suit, Green writes, “[Thomas] set out to command [Lohan] to twitter and stated if [Lohan] acknowledges this is an Osoma Bin Ladden op all civilians in past wrong doing will receive  clemency.”

Green also claims he is a former U.S. Marine — who recently spent time in a homeless shelter due to a “depreciated stage of delusion and hallucinations.”

Then, for no apparent reason, he writes, “[Lohan] might be a high end prostitute.”

Green is suing Lohan for engaging in unfair business practices — and he’s demanding $300,000.

There’s nothing like a mentally unstable person filing a lawsuit that claims that Lindsay Lohan was involved in killing Osama! Personally though, my absolutely favorite was the important note that Lindsay “might be a high end prostitute.”  I think I might start sprinkling that in on all my conversations from here on out, ok?

Lindsay Lohan might be a high end prostitute.

See?  Lovin’ it!

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  • The pay back will be Hell people.. she will wreak hell where ever she goes and what ever does.. She will make Madonna seem modest and kind, sober minded.. it won’t be long she’s in the pokey again.. If she doesn’t wear a bra the skin will stretch and she will have marks.. it will be unrepairable with those big boobs sagging so much.
    Bras provide support for the breasts and keep breasts from sagging while you wear them. This is often considered to be the “norm” or the dress code for professionals or otherwise. Some of us may also find discomfort in the sweat that collects under sagging breasts.

    But dress code aside, I hope women will realize how normal sagging is. We get so brainwashed by the media images of young perky breasts that we no longer know what is normal. In reality it is perfectly NORMAL for adult breasts to be hanging in a lower, relaxed position.

    Also, it is good to realize that bras do not ultimately prevent your breasts from sagging. Gravity will eventually take its effect, sooner or later. Make sure they properly fit and are comfortable. Apparently not… and she models them? Go figure..

    “A mistaken popular belief maintains that wearing a bra strengthens your breasts and prevents their eventual sagging. But you sag because of the proportion of fat and tissue in your breasts, and no bra changes that.”
    Susan M. Love, M.D. in her “Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book.”

    WHY THE FUSS ABOUT BREASTS?
    THEY ARE JUST FATTY PROTRUSIONS TO NOURISH BABIES!