Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Told You He’s a D-Bag! Ashton Kutcher Actually Texts While He Drives

photo of ashton kutcher pictures photos pics texting while driving photo
You know, there’s not a whole lot that seriously bugs me. I’m honestly pretty laid-back and easygoing, and I’m definitely more of a live-and-let-live kind of girl than I am a … well, not a live-and-let-live kind of girl; however, there are a few things that genuinely get my goat, and it seems like Ashton Kutcher’s really going out of his way to hit ’em all and end up being Douchebag of the Year again.

Turns out that photo up there of Ashton texting was taken while he was DRIVING. Not, you know, at a traffic stop or parked in a lot waiting for some dumb bitch he f-cked to come out of an abortion clinic, not waiting at the drive-thru of Chick-Fil-A – driving.

The only thing that might disturb me more than a twat like Ashton Kutcher texting while driving and not dedicating his entire three brain cells to the important task – literally – at hand, is the fact that someone who was maybe also driving took a photo of Ashton while he was texting. I can only hope that the person who took the photo was a passenger in the other car, and not the driver, because if not – I don’t know. What the hell are people doing behind the wheel these days? Eating, smoking pot, putting on makeup, f-cking with their cell phones … Dead serious guys, if you’re texting while you’re driving, you deserve to get rammed from behind. Hard. And whatever happens after that is your fault, too, you moron.

I’m so torn for Ashton. I don’t know whether or not his 2012 resolution should to be to “be a better driver,” or “not be a douchebag.” I’m thinking they’re kind of one and the same to a certain extent, but we don’t really have to worry about it one way or the other – Ashton’s got it covered. According to a Tweet fired off on New Year’s Eve, this is his resolution:

“In 2012 let’s agree to a resolution to feel one another’s pain & joy, & create the peace we desire through proactive generosity. XO ak”

OK. F-cking gag me. With a dirty bedpan. Sorry, Ash, but your candor and your reflection upon your inner self does not impress me or anyone else. We see you for what you are – a big, stupid, oafy, texting-while-driving douchebag. Is that how you want to be remembered when you completely embed your hybrid vehicle in the back of an eighteen-wheeler?