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1Another Day, Another “Why the Perry/Brand Marriage Ended” Theory

photo of katy perry picture and russell brand photo married divorced pics
Obviously, this marriage was doomed right from the start. And all of these “reasons” that the two are splitting? I’m willing, at this point, to bet that they’re ALL right.

From Us Magazine via Hollywood Life:

“Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her,” a source says. “When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.” But the source goes on to say that despite Katy’s attempts to keep the spark alive in the bedroom by scheduling monthly date nights at swanky hotels, it was “never enough.”

Russell’s sexually fetishes were also reportedly hard for Katy to keep up with. “He likes dirty things,” the source says. “He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him.” Adding that Russell had a closet full of sex toys.

Well hell. You marry a sex addict and you’re, what, surprised that it doesn’t work out in the bedroom after the novelty wore off? Good Lord! If these guys hadn’t split up as soon as they did, I’d have given it another six months before we had another Tiger Woods-like scandal on our hands, complete with seedy porn stars and toothless prostitutes.

Here’re some quotes from Russell’s sex addict “past”:

“To this day, I feel a fierce warmth for women that have the same disregard for the social conventions of sexual protocol as I do. I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it’s apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard.”

“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”

“I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. My peak was probably five a day. It was a bit much. I was always respectful though.”

They say a leopard doesn’t change its spots and all of that business, you know. Still surprised, Katy?

January 5, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

One Response to “Another Day, Another “Why the Perry/Brand Marriage Ended” Theory”

  1. Ah… Russel’s a good lad, then!

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