The lady’s name is Anastasia Vitkina, she’s very pretty and blonde, and her first-ever tweet condemned an article about Jim Carrey. (So did her last-ever tweet, incidentally. Uh. She’s only tweeted twice ever.)
A little digging uncovers that Miss Vitkina attended the renowned Parsons School of Design. I don’t know if you know this, but Parsons is so prestigious, someone named an Ikea table after it. (Originally this was intended as a joke, but it is actually sort of true. Oh, well.)
What’s really weird is, in the hours since Page Six first posted the story about the new couple, the website has cropped Carrey’s new girlfriend out of the photo again. That’s right: she was once in the frame, and now she is not.
Honestly? This sort of thing always baffles me. DO PEOPLE WANT TO DATE OR DON’T THEY? You might have to go out in public with your rich boyfriend eventually, folks, and anyway, we are all living in a post-Facebook world. I mean, I myself am all for privacy, but seriously, now. Don’t act so embarrassed about having a boyfriend, you lucky lady, you.
Here is Bryan Cranston—he’s the versatile actor from Malcolm in the Middle, Breaking Bad, and Seinfeld—shilling for Coffee-Mate. Mmm! Non-dairy creamer! It’s the only thing in this world that is slightly worse than powdered milk, am I right? (Still, Cranston is so charming and convincing, I suddenly can’t imagine spooning any other type of powdered creamer into my reheated cola.)
It’s also kind of mediocre. And honestly, it’s a pure Timbaland/Timbalake hybrid, because the music is straight-up Justin and the lyrical rhymes are straight-up Timbaland. So you’re probably wondering why the two didn’t just get together and hop up in the studio themselves and record the music. And I don’t have an answer for that. I tried a long time ago to fathom the workings of Justin Timberlake’s mind, guys, and it was like looking into the eye of a tornado. Or the brown eye of Kim Kardashian. Both are equally terrifying in their own right, and both are sort of lazy in their paths, yet destructive as hell. Which is where I’m starting to think Justin Timberlake is headed. (To “lazy,” not to “Kim Kardashian’s brown eye” that is.)
I know, that’s not the visual you really wanted to fill your subconscious with in the hours before winding down for the evening, was it? I mean, “LeAnn Rimes” and “gash” in the same sentence is enough, for me, to go into full-body convulsions, complete with projectile vomiting, but hey. I could go on, but I won’t. I had spaghetti and Caesar salad for dinner, and it was good, so I’d like to keep it where it is, thanks.
Anyway, LeAnn decided to go snowboarding, where she apparently fell and busted her tailbone, and not for the reason of “not enough snow,” like her Twitter account professed, but because there’s a very thin amount of skin covering the tailbone as it is, and with LeAnn being as skinny as she is and all, it wouldn’t surprise me if that thing was protruding like a pregnant lady’s bellybutton as it were.
In short, music (OK, pop music) in 2011 was terrible. Terrible, awful, and kind of embarrassing for everyone involved, actually.
Thank God there are other genres that don’t completely suck and can fill the void that pop music has left in our hearts since it really crapped the bed in the early 00′s, because really, how much garbage-Katy Perry music can one stand before going COMPLETELY nuts?
I know, right? It’s like “oooh, some female celebrity has a gold digging boyfriend? Stop the presses!” But just listen to this blind item in its entirety, and tell me that you didn’t give at least a little “oh no he didn’t”:
This former almost A list female singer who does not do too badly for herself in her other endeavors now, gave her boyfriend a certain amount of money she wanted him to spend on her for Christmas. She even told him what she wanted and when she was planning on displaying it on public. Not only did the boyfriend not get what she wanted him to get, he apparently pocketed about 85% of the funds she gave him for the present and says he should get it as a bonus for his efforts this year.
The way I, and pretty much the rest of the internet, see it, this could only be one of three ladies: Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez, or Christina Aguilera. Jessica Simpson because there’s been so much talk of her man, Eric Johnson, using her for a free ride. Jennifer Lopez because, come on, have you seen her little bitty boyfriend? Does it really take that much imagination to see him swindling her? And finally, Christina Aguilera because her boyfriend really does deserve a bonus. On top of all that, each of these ladies have done well for themselves outside of singing: Jess has her clothing line, and J Lo and Christina both have their singing competition shows.
So which one of these ladies, if any, could it be?
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