Jennifer Love Hewitt in a blanket. [The Superficial]

Scarlett Johansson says that marrying Ryan Reynolds was the best thing she ever did. I guess she’s going to die now or something. [Bitten and Bound]

Angelina Jolie steals things, but you already knew that. [Starpulse]

More details about the chick that Robert Pattinson may be boning behind Kristen Stewart’s back. [The Superficial]

Rihanna is on the weed. [Bossip]

Jesse James is DEFINITELY still a pig. [Socialite Life]

Kirsten Dunst in a bikini: hot or not? [Yeeeah]

Hey, they’re making new episodes of Castle. I wasn’t aware of that. [Caught on Set]

John Rich was kicked off a plane, too. [The Blemish]

What Lindsay Lohan looks like today. [Cele|bitchy]

Taylor whatever-her-name-is has a massive meltdown on Real Housewives. Like, MASSIVE. [The Frisky]

Mario Lopez is debuting a new underwear line. LOL [OMGBlog]

The Muppets is anti-American propaganda, didn’t you hear? [Pajiba]

Why Madonna is just laughable these days. [Lainey Gossip]

VIDEO: Celebrity childhoods and their most embarrassing moments. [Hollywood Dame]

Britney Spears covers ‘The Edge of Glory’. [theBERRY]

OK, does someone wanna explain to me just what the hell this is? Is it a horror movie? A film about government conspiracy? A skin flick set in the Evil Dead cabin? And in any case, hasn’t it kind of been done to death, what with all of the OTHER set-in-a-cabin-in-the-woods movies that have come out over the past five years?

From IMDB:

A group of friends at a cabin retreat scratch the surface of something so massive and horrific that they can only begin to fathom it as time quickly runs out.

Yeah. I guess it has been done to death, now, hasn’t it? The only different here is that Miley Cyrus‘s stupid boyfriend‘s brother is in it, so it’s going to attract all of the teenyboppers and open the newest generation up to a world of stupid, don’t-make-’em-like-they-used-to horror movies. WTG, guys.

I don’t know how you guys feel, but whenever I see Blake Lively, I just kind of roll my eyes and shake my head (unless she’s naked). The girl is so desperate for more fame. It doesn’t matter who it is – if they’ve had three more minutes of fame than she has had with her Big Deal Gossip Girl contract, she’s latched onto them like the leeches that stuck to my ass one fine summer day at the crick when I was sliding down slimy rocks and into eight inches of rock- and twig-ridden waters.

These photos are from a recent vacation wherein Ryan Reynolds thought it’d finally be OK to air out Leonardo DiCaprio’s sloppy seconds (because really, I don’t think there was any true transition between boning Leo and boning Ryan) and let the world know that this is what they’re doing behind closed doors in Boston, too. That, or, I don’t know. Maybe he thinks that if he does what she wants and goes public with the relationship that he’ll get a blowjob out of the deal. The things people will do for free oral sex, you know?

Is it me, or is Christina constantly photographed either wearing ugly, ill-fitting dresses or those worn-out black leggings? I mean, did she spend all of her record royalty money on booze, pancake makeup, and Wet ‘n Wild Robust Red lipstick or something that she can’t afford to buy anything aside from basic black leggings and bad hats that completely obscure her face? Is that really where we’ve ended up going with this woman?

It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Kiefer Sutherland photo: Jak (two weeks in a row!)
“Fans gather at the airport in order to give thanks to Justin Bieber’s grandfather.”

First runner-up: Queasy
“The hat had looked perfectly straight to Keifer when he put it on ten drinks ago.”

Second runner-up: Dillon
“Watch me do my best Jason Mraz impression, everybody.”

Congrats to Jak! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Khloe Kardashian eats sunglasses. [The Superficial]

Woman says Herman Cain was a lousy lay. [The Frisky]

And Kim Kardashian’s trying to bribe her sisters into liking her. [TMZ]

American Country Awards: the fashion. [Starpulse]

But why is Angelina Jolie schmoozing Brad Pitt’s mom? [Lainey Gossip]

Rosie O’Donnell‘s engaged (again)! [LA Times]

Even Bradley Cooper thinks Ryan Gosling should have been “Sexiest Man Alive.” [Socialite Life]

What the f*ck did Nicki Minaj do to her face? [Yeeeah]

Jesse James calls Sandra Bullock “some actress.” [Amy Grindhouse]

Pornography of pain. [Pajiba]

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are just a normal couple, I guess. [Lainey Gossip]

Jennifer Aniston’s family is practically paying Justin Theroux to marry their daughter. [Cele|bitchy]

Jessica Simpson‘s maternity line. [The Superficial]

Naked pics of Shaun White! Naked pics of Shaun White! [IDLYITW]

All aboard the Douchebag Express! WOOT WOOT! [theBERRY]