So, not too much of a difference, right? Egad. She looks just as shitty in real life as she did in her funny little photo shoot [NSFW!], and you know what? In a twisted, perverse way, that makes me feel like the world is all right once again.

Also, in the Playboy interview, she said this:

“Sex and sexuality are a part of nature, and I go along with nature. I think Marilyn Monroe said that, and I agree with her. Knowing your body and being in touch with your body is important because it gives you confidence, and in life, women need confidence. It’s a very male-dominated world, so knowing yourself and being comfortable with your body is an important thing for me as a woman. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that’s mine.”

No, it’s not yours, Lindsay, it’s Marilyn’s. You might share the same sentiments, because you think you’re some kind of sex goddess incarnate, but that’s about the extent of the comparison. GET OFF THE SAD-ASS MARILYN TRAIN, GIRL.

Image courtesy of TMZ

Angelina Jolie is starving herself to save the children. [The Superficial]

Shopping for rings? [Lainey Gossip]

NJ man dies after getting silicone injections INTO HIS PENIS. [Bossip]

OF COURSE Tom Cruise almost died during the filming of his new movie. [Starpulse]

Who’s the most profitable actress? [theBERRY]

Daniel Craig is a diva. [Cele|bitchy]

Somebody sexes Britney on stage. [The Superficial]

Meryl Streep’s first Vogue cover ever. [Amy Grindhouse]

8 Hookup Dealbreakers. [The Frisky]

Carey Mulligan and her boobs are actually insanely hot. [ICYDK]

PHOTOS: Justin Bieber keeps groping Selena Gomez in public. [Socialite Life]

Ashton’s stepkids hate him now. [Celebslam]

Ryan Seacrest replacing who? [Hollywood Dame]

Sophie Turner wants you to see her tits. [IDLYITW]

K Fed needs to lose so much weight that he’s COLLAPSING. [The Blemish]

Look, it’s Miley Cyrus trying to distract us from thinking that she’s a stoner! Come on, Miles, you don’t have to worry about that business: we know you toke up on the regular, and it’s OK. Really, it’s alright. It’s not like you’re Lindsay Lohan who feels the need to blow every semi-powdery substance in a 45-mile radius up her nose every time she gets rejected for an Epic Movie Role. We’re completely alright with you, and you don’t have to go to such extremes as almost baring your boobs to make us like you again.

I mean, it’s a great gesture, and I’m sure everyone completely appreciates it, but we love you just the way you are, girl – don’t change who you are.

After Lindsay reported her purse missing—and this was a $5000 Chanel, you guys, containing $10,000 cash—police looked for the bag, couldn’t find it, and left.

Then everybody at the house party stayed until the sun came up (hmmmmm), ‘searching’ for that all-important handbag.

Here is what happened next, according to TMZ: Lindsay’s friend noticed a “suspicious-looking local” sneaking around, and the friend asked the man about the missing handbag. The man feigned no knowledge of a Chanel purse, and he left.

But then he returned with the purse, announcing he’d “found it” somewhere.

And everything was still in the bag! Everything! Well, except for the money. The money was long gone. “We’re told Lindsay was so ecstatic to have the bag back, she didn’t bother asking questions,” TMZ reports, “despite the missing $10,000.”

I love this story so much. There is so much schadenfreude here I can barely stand it. I especially love readers’ reactions. Because your first thought is invariably “This story is all fake.” Your next thought is, “Boy, Lindsay sure doesn’t want to go to court on Wednesday, does she.” And the next thought, which occurs to you maybe thirty seconds later, is usually “Ohhhh, I bet the $10,000 was supposed to buy drugs.” Right?

At this point we are too, too able to believe that Lindsay keeps $10,000 in her purse for drugs; the claim that she also “lost her passport,” meanwhile, defies all credulity. That is totally hilarious.

Oh, Lindsay.

I know Snooki probably wants us to think that there’s an “angel atop the tree” joke in this photo somewhere, but I’m too busy looking at her doofus boyfriend’s duckface. I didn’t even know dudes were allowed to make that face, let alone big, jacked dudes with presumably tiny penises. I mean, the steroids have probably done enough damage to his manhood and thus, his manhood-size self-esteem, so why would he want to do anything more to further encourage us to think he’s a complete simpering tool, unworthy of anything but … Snooki from Jersey Shore?

“The conventional knowledge in Hollywood is that an unsympathetic female character can tank a movie. I’m hoping that’s not true. I’m knocking on wood really emphatically right now but honestly I have a lot of theories sometimes I wonder if it comes down to mommy issues. The idea of a cold, unlikeable woman or a woman who is not in control of herself is genuinely frightening to people because it threatens civilization itself or threatens the American family.

“But I don’t know why people are always willing to accept and even like flawed male characters. We’ve seen so many loveable anti-heroes who are curmudgeons or addicts or bad fathers and a lot of those characters have become beloved icons and I don’t see women allowed to play the same parts. So it was really important to me to try and turn that around.”

—Screenwriter Diablo Cody on writing Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) in Young Adult. The entire interview is over at Indiewire, and it is a blast.