“[Being on Law & Order: SVU] was so awful. So stupid. People are obsessed with that show. I don’t get it. Me and my boyfriend—although I don’t look old enough to have a boyfriend—went and beat up these fat people, and at the end of the show you find out that I used to be obese and I hate fat people. It’s ridiculous. Who would ever do that? Who would beat someone up because they’re fat? And as retribution, they sodomized her. I mean, I’ve been sodomized since the beginning of my career. I should have known then it would come full circle.”
Hm. So now, are we going to wait for RAINN to come forward and accuse Rooney Mara of making insensitive rape-tinged comments, or should we just save time and call her out right now on them? I know, I know. A lot of people still don’t even know who she is yet, but hey. Maybe this just means that they won’t be making a Nightmare on Elm Street reboot sequel. Would that be so bad?
Did you know that Barbara put the Kardashians (all of ‘em) on her Most Fascinating People list this year? Well, back when she made the list, she didn’t realize how “fascinating” (and by “fascinating,” I mean “crummy, turncoat moneygrubbers”) they were – at least until Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries imploded for entertainment purposes.
Barb was a guest on Dave Letterman‘s show last night, where she talked about feeling hoodwinked by the tumultuous trio and realized that she couldn’t trust them. If you can’t view the above video, here’s the crux of Barbara’s comments:
“They [the Kardashians] were the first ones we interviewed [for the Most Fascinating List] and we did them in September. We said, anything going to happen? ‘No no no, you can do it now because nothing’s going to happen.’ Then Kim gets married. Then Kourtney gets pregnant. Then Khloe’s moving to Dallas. You cannot trust the Kardashians.”
I’m just surprised that someone as well-spoken and tactile as Barbara WALTERS only just now realized that you can’t trust those who shit where they eat. Christ.
Forget the Lion King – it’s the Kardashians who are dangling at the bottom of the food chain.
At first glance, my girl Scarlett looks fab from afar – didn’t Clueless coin that phrase as a “Monet” or something? Something that looks amazing from a distance, but really looks like hot mess hell
up close. But as you get a clearer and clearer picture of what’s going on up in Scarlett’s grill, you can see that things are kind of amiss. Or a mess, depending on how blatant you take your insults:
So, OK. I should give her credit and props and whatever else because it’s nothing like Lindsay Lohan’s busted-ass dentifrice, and she apparently has her own teeth and didn’t get big, gawky veneers because some twat agent claimed that her m-word-loving mouth wasn’t good enough au natural, but GIRL. It’s called a TOOTHBRUSH. And TOOTHPASTE. And you know what? Crest Whitestrips aren’t as expensive as they used to be. In fact, they’re becoming pretty commonplace. Thought you knew.
Maybe all those nights at Sean Penn’s crib proved to be mad tiring, because apparently, Scarlett here couldn’t find a second’s time to make sure all of the corrosive SHUTYOMOUTH was rinsed from her … mouth. Damn.
Are you guys as insanely excited about that We Bought A Zoo movie as I am? Because I am too insanely excited, mostly because I can’t pass up a good animal movie. I went to see Zookeeper in theaters, ok? Plus the movie features my favorite animal that exists in reality, the bear! As if these things weren’t enough to convince me to go see this film, I now have the added image of Scarlett Johansson mercilessly mocking poor little Matt Damon about his fear of snakes:
For the actress [Scarlett], the scariest moment on the film “was watching Matt Damon cry like a baby and rock back and forth when the snakes were spread all over the set.”
Johansson grew up with reptiles, cats and horses, and had a degree of comfort around the working animals, but Damon wore his fear on his sleeve – and his face.
“He was pretty terrified,” Johansson told PEOPLE at the movie’s New York premiere Monday night.
“He was definitely sweating a bit, and maybe the sweat formed in the corner of his eye. I said, ‘Matt, these kids are practically juggling the snakes. Hold it together.’”
“I’m afraid of snakes,” Damon admitted. “And I got bullied into interacting with them by Scarlett and the kids.”
Oh, Matt Damon, it’s ok! You’re perfect just the way you are! Don’t let mean old Scarlett make you feel ashamed to be afraid! It’s ok to cry!
I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise‘s hair? Alec Baldwin‘s hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can’t, I can’t. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.
What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste.
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
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